


Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy

by whizzk1d



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Animagus, Attempt at Humor, Bisexual James Potter, Canonical Character Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fight me on that, Fluff and Angst, Good Death Eaters, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, James Potter is a seeker, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mild Smut, Potions Master Regulus Black, Regulus Black Feels, Regulus Black is a Good Sibling, Regulus Black-centric, Remus and Regulus are cute bestfriends, Sibling Rivalry, Slow Burn, Sort Of, Suicidal Thoughts, Tags May Change, Temporarily Unrequited Love, if i feel like writing it, it’s an adventure, no beta we die like men, regulus is just an angsty mf, tbh this isn’t even proofread by me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 32,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27980094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whizzk1d/pseuds/whizzk1d
Summary: “Though you may not think it possible, you are my friend”—Unrequited love is a tale as old as time,and a bitch.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Regulus Black & Bartemius Crouch Jr., Regulus Black & Remus Lupin, Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Regulus Black/James Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, minor Regulus Black/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 198
Kudos: 375





	1. Close your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> title from Beautiful Boy by John Lennon!!  
> a very good song if you ask me  
> (yes it’s also the name of the movie timmy is in and timmy is my headcanon fan cast for regulus so)
> 
> sorry the summary doesn’t give much away lol  
> read tags and don’t proceed if anything will trigger you! take care loves xx

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry if i’ve messed w the timeline slightly and pls know future chapters will be a lot longer :)

“You stupid, incompetent, foolish little boy!”

Sirius’s jaw twitched and his fists clenched with rage. Walburga stared down at her son with her lips pressed into an ugly snarl, a vein popped from her pale forehead and single curl had slipped from its hold in her usually perfect up-do. Her wand was raised at him and an unusual quiver seemed to run through her hand.

”Mother, I’m sure he didn’t-” Regulus pleaded as he stepped timidly towards the pair.

”Shut up Regulus”

”Be quiet son!”

His mouth snapped shut and he retreated backwards in haste. His neatly clipped nails dug harshly into his palms as Sirius reached behind his back for his wand, which was tucked into the waistband of his black dress pants. This, naturally for Sirius, was the wrong decision. Regulus already knew what was coming before the curse left their mother’s lips. 

“Cru-”

“Expelliarmus!” 

Walburga’s ebony wand flew to the other side of the dining room and the house fell silent in shock. Sirius turned to face his younger brother who now had his own wand raised, eyes watery and hand trembling. His mouth stuttered open, but for lack of anything better to say; and running on pure adrenaline, Sirius turned and fled. He ran and ran and didn’t look back until his chest hurt and his legs ached. He’d left his house, his things, his school supplies, his dignity. He’d left Regulus.  
  


But right now he needed James.

_Prongs will know what to do._

-

Delicate rain danced along the cobbled pavements and tapped the window panes of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. The sky was murky and the day was bleak, people hurried along the roads clad in black overcoats and holding large umbrellas. Car horns blared as the traffic started to pile up and a light fog had started to settle as the early evening set in.

It was, in all, a miserable day.

And that meant, for Regulus Black, it was a very normal day.

The summer holidays were drawing to a close and his fifth year at Hogwarts was ahead of him. He’d spent most of it holed up in the library, Kreacher coming to join him for afternoon tea every now and then, Sirius’s abrupt departure from the family home after the rather violet fight in the dining room had left Regulus feeling unexplainably empty, and with a visit from the ministry about underage magic- which his father had managed to have brushed under the rug after flashing the minister a fair amount of galleons. It wasn’t as if him and his brother had a decent relationship since they were sorted into separate houses right back in first year. They had quite the opposite actually. But Regulus felt throughly upset by his brothers disappearance.

And sore. After Sirius ran, Walburga turned her utmost rage on her youngest, and he was feeling the effects of the unforgivables being repeatedly fired at him. He didn’t try standing up to Walburga again, not since he cast expelliarmus to save Sirius.

For once, Regulus could hardly wait to step onto the Hogwarts express. Maybe he’d catch Sirius alone and he’d get to hug his brother, if he let him. Or maybe he’d punch him, scream at him for leaving him to suffer alone in the lowest circle of hell. Dwelling on it, however, was not helping Regulus pack his trunk so he shoved any remaining thoughts of his brother to the back of his head and stuffed his robes into the case with a frustrated sigh.

His nimble fingers pushed the falling raven curls being his ear. His hair was getting longer recently. It wasn’t as long as Sirius’s, who had had hair down to his shoulders since he was 10, but it fell into his eyes and brushed the base of his neck and while twirling the stands around his fingers Regulus began to think he looked strikingly similar to his older brother.

_Fuck._ His brain was completely swamped. Regulus looked at his half empty trunk, the stacks of books piled high on his bed waiting to packed and the random bits of parchment thrown haphazardly around the room as he tried to finish the last of his summer homework. He hadn’t been this much of a mess in a long time. 

Flopping back onto the large bed with velvet, deep green covers and silk pillows, Regulus closed his eyes and bit down into his bottom lip harshly. He rolled onto his side and curled his legs up to chest, wrapping his own slender arms around his body imagining Sirius draping his arm over the younger boy and tapping patterns into his shoulder, telling him everything was going to be okay. Just like when they were kids.

Kreacher popped into Regulus’s room unexpectedly, but he didn’t flinch; only tilting his head up slightly to look at the house elf.

”Master Regulus is being called for supper”

”Thank you, Kreacher” 

He untangled himself from his small cocoon and stood up to straighten his robes and shake out his hair. There was only a week left until he would be out of Walburga and Orion’s grasp. Until he was safe in his own private bubble full of potions, muggle romance novels and the old cassette player Sirius had brought back for him after his first year. ‘I got it from Remus, figured you needed something to listen to while you get lost in all those books you read’ He had said.

His nails found their way back into his palms as he descended the steep wooden staircase and plodded down the hallway to the dining room where he prepared himself for another tense family dinner filled with uncomfortable silence and missing a member.


	2. Have no fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James gets caught in the middle of the brothers for the first time, but definitely not the last.

The light breeze that brushed along the platform wafted Regulus’s now short hair around (after his mother dragged him to a barbers) and tinted his pale cheeks pink. He stood amongst the ocean of people that was flowing around him and watched as worried parents fussed over their 11 year olds and 13 year olds rolled their eyes at their guardians affections.

His black robes billowed in the wind and he stepped towards the train, not bothering to look back at Walburga and Orion, the latter of which he knew would look like he had millions of better things to do than see his youngest son off to another year at Hogwarts. Deep, dark, solemn eyes scoured the platform quickly for any sign of his brother but they found nothing, so Regulus inhaled slowly and crossed the gap from the platform to the train.

Chatter and excitement filled the compartments, it seemed nobody shared Regulus’s glum attitude. Judging by the first and second years scurrying out of his path as he navigated his way through the train- his sour mood must’ve shown on his face.

He searched the Hogwarts express hoping to find Barty Crouch Jr. (or better yet, an empty compartment where he could wallow in silence) for ten minutes before he stopped outside of one of them, peering to find the mousy looking boy digging into a chocolate frog. His hand grasped the handle and he leant to pull the door open, making Crouch look up from inside the compartment in alarm, before someone bellowed his name.

”Regulus!” a brash, gruff voice called out from further down the train. He turned to look in confusion, which morphed into shock when he saw James Potter wrestling his way to the younger boy though a gaggle of young girls.

He raised an eyebrow and kept his first curled around the door handle, contemplating sliding it open and throwing himself into the compartment before James could reach him. But before he could make a decision a large hand landed on his arm and grasped a hold of his sleeve. Regulus turned to look up at James with wide eyes. _When did he get so tall?_ The boys glasses were perched on the end of his freckled nose and his messy chocolate brown hair fell over her forehead.

”What do you want Potter?” He tried to sneer but there was a distinct tremble in his voice. Acutely aware that Barty Crouch was watching the whole ordeal, Regulus jerked his arm away from James’s grip and straightened his robes.

James looked mildly put out by the hostility, but his expression quickly returned to its natural state and he pressed his lips into a thin line before he began to speak. “I wanted- Sirius wanted to thank you.”

“What for?” 

“You know, the curse...” James trailed off and Regulus flared his nostrils and huffed a laugh in anger.

“Well if Sirius is so _thankful_ he should come and tell me myself. Not rely on his lap dog to stick his nose in places where it doesn’t belong”

The older boy opened his mouth but closed it moments later, seemingly lost for words. Regulus could almost see the cogs turning in his brain- this encounter most likely didn’t go according to James’s plan (whatever that was). Knowing Sirius was too cowardly to tell this to Regulus himself after the summer he’d had made his gut twist in resentment and a deep frown settled on his face, harsh wrinkles forming between his brow.

“He just wants you to know-” 

“Whatever he wanted me to know isn’t worth listening to.”

Finally, he yanked open the sliding door and stalked into the compartment where Crouch was looking at him with narrowed eyes. Regulus threw a nasty look back over his shoulder at James as the boy started to walk away in defeat and then shrugged his coat off in frustration. He slumped into his seat and ran a hand over his tired, sunken face, momentarily forgetting Barty was looking at him warily from the opposite seat until his squeaky voice cut through Regulus’s thoughts like a dagger.

“I take it you had a rough summer?”

His voice was full of suspicion and his eyes kept flicking back to where James had been stood, as if he was going to reappear to barge into their compartment.

“You can say that again.”

-

Hollowed cheeks leant into a bony hand as Regulus’s mind took him elsewhere. The sorting ceremony was tedious and boring when you weren’t taking part, and even then it wasn’t the most ideal. Across the great hall the marauders sat whispering to each other. Regulus observed his brother leaning into Remus Lupin’s touch- consciously or unconsciously he couldn’t tell, Sirius didn’t trust him enough to confide in him about his love life.

To the left of Regulus a group of seventh year Slytherins we’re talking in hushed, sharp tones and clutching their forearms. He kept his eyes focused in front of him as to not draw suspicion but the fragments of the conversation he caught didn’t reassure him. 

‘Dark mark’ and ‘initiation’ didn’t sound all that promising. He knew his fate, Regulus wasn’t oblivious to the Voldemort and his rising army. If only he’d spent less of his summer holidays being curioed and more of it preparing for an uprising of dark wizards. All of a sudden, a gangly boy with greasy hair sunk into the seat opposite him.

“Black”

“Snape”

Barty snorted beside Regulus who rolled is eyes and started to fiddle with the silver band wrapped around his ring finger. Severus shot a displeased look towards Barty and pursed his lips.

“Hello to you too Severus” his scratchy, shrill voice scraped against Regulus’s brain and he bit into his bottom lip, wishing for the ceremony to just _hurry up_ so he could get back to his dorm, pull the curtains around his bed and curl up with his cassette player and ‘advanced potions’ book. Someone’s gaze was fixed on him, he could feel it, but he refused to look up from the Slytherin table.

Dumbledore droned about house unity despite the Slytherins and Gryffindors throwing obvious scowls in each other’s direction. An array of food popped up around them- whole chickens, bowls of colourful vegetables, pitchers of gravy and legs of lamb- but Regulus wasn’t hungry. He picked at the sausages and mash Barty had quickly shoved onto his plate, but none of the food ever reached his mouth.

As the feast drew to a close, Regulus scrambled to his feet and practically flew out of the hall. He pulled at his collar as he strode briskly to the dungeons and ran his hand through the short curls on his head. 

“Black! Regulus wait!” an annoyingly familiar voice shouted after him. 

“What do you want now, Potter?” He stopped dead in his tracks and flung himself around to face James, who was slowing to a stop. His arms flew up in question and his face held the same frown as it did on the train.

“Sirius just wants to talk,” James sighed, “you should hear him out.”

“Then he will have to come and find him himself!”

The younger boy turned tail and fled, leaving James in one of the many dungeon corridors. He threw himself through the portrait and made it to his dorm in record time. Not even bothering to change out of his school robes he fell back onto the bed and closed his eyes. His head hurt, a pulsing behind his eyes that intensified when he sat back up. 

He managed to climb further onto his bed and draw the curtains, and if, in the morning, Crouch had any questions about quivering, uneven breaths coming from behind Regulus’s curtains; he certainly didn’t ask them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> regulus and james had their first interaction!! i should put slow burn in the tags lol bc boy oh boy is this gonna be a slow burn


	3. The monsters gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus fries his brain and the marauders get back to work with their pranks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mild panic attacks

Craving the monotony of classes and exams, Regulus threw himself head first into his studies. By the end of his first week back at Hogwarts he’d completed his homework for every class, requested extra transfiguration work from Professor Mcgonagall and started studying for his OWLs.

The weekend eventually came but Regulus didn’t want to stop and think about anything that wasn’t school, he sat in the corner of the library with his head buried in a charms book and rolls upon rolls of parchment spread out across the table. The September sun was setting over the castle turning the grey sky an array of vivid oranges and pinks, Regulus rubbed at his tired eyes with his knuckles let out a yawn, he’d been cooped up in the library all day.

Due to this, he had failed to notice Remus Lupin who was sat three tables away from Regulus in the deserted library. The boy was dressed in basic muggle clothes- old worn jeans, a black t-shirt with half scratched off writing and a blue flannel shirt with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows- and he seemed to be slightly more swamped with homework than Regulus was. Despite it being the first week back, the professors never went easy on the older years.

As Regulus stretched out in his chair like a drowsy kitten and started to gather this things together movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He kept his head down but looked up through his eyelashes to find Sirius, Peter and James making their way over to where Remus had hidden his head in a pile of parchment. Neither James nor Sirius had tried to approach him since the first night back at Hogwarts, but their stares lingered in the great hall and Regulus was doing his very best to avoid them.

He froze momentarily and then dropped back into his seat, hoping their attention stayed on Lupin. He shook his hear out and positioned his hand over his eyes, leaning his elbows on the mahogany table. The empty library coupled with the marauders inability to talk quietly made it very easy for Regulus to pick up most of their conversation.

“Mooney, my boy,” His obnoxious brother called out, a lot louder than needed considering he was standing right next to Remus. 

“What do you need?” 

“Rude of you to assume that’s what we’re here for!” Sirius held a hand to his chest in mock offence and Remus rolled his eyes.

“That is what we’re here for though” Peter, who had a hideous red plaid woolly hat hat pulled tightly over his head, squeaked. 

Regulus lifted an eyebrow and looked up swiftly. The boys had their backs turned to him and were engaged in rowdy conversation, if he stayed silent he would be able to escape the library undetected and grab some more text books from the transfiguration section. Getting caught running away from his big brother and his pitiful friends would be the icing on top of the cake for this week. 

“We’re planning a prank on Snivellus,” James kicked a chair out and collapsed dramatically into it “but we just can’t seem to find the right spell.”

”And you’re great with spells, right Moony?”

Regulus stopped hastily behind a bookcase in his attempt to slip soundly from the library. He tilted his head slightly and leaned back against the bookcase to snoop further on their conversation.

“We were thinking of doing something about that _g_ _od awful_ hair of his, but we tried something with Peter which didn’t go very well.” 

Regulus peered through a gap between two old leather books to see James pull the cap from the other boy’s head revealing vomit green strands of hair sticking up in every direction, small clumps were missing and it was horrendously matted together. Peter’s head resembled an ugly, green bird’s nest and Regulus cringed as Remus let out a surprised laugh, immediately slapping his hand over his mouth.

”Actually I’d say it went pretty well,” Sirius joked “but now we need to get Peter’s hair back to normal and keep Snape still for long enough to hex him.”

Regulus scratched the back of his neck, deciding whether to stay and hear the rest of the marauders conversation or not. He watched his older brother throw a familial arm around James and ruffle Peter’s questionable hair, an uneasy, angry feeling settling in his stomach. He took one last deep breath before turning around, striding out of the library and pushing the thought from his head.

He clutched so tightly to his books that the tips of his fingers turned white and violently bit down on his lip to keep salty tears from welling up in his eyes. Bumping into a few third years on his way down to the Slytherin common room snapped him back into his nonchalant facade, but his grip on his books stayed rigid and the feeling in his stomach started to boil.

Barty smirked when he stepped through the portrait hole and opened his mouth to tease Regulus about spending all day in the library, like he usually did.

”Bog off, Crouch, I’m not in the mood” Regulus sneered leaving Barty to snap his jaw shut and watch as he thudded up the stairs to their dormitory. He reached the top the stairs and quickly muttered _aberto_ , the door to the dormitory swinging open, his eyes felt heavy and sore and he wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball.

As soon has Regulus was through the door he dropped back against it and slid down to the floor. His head banged lightly against the wood and he brought his knees up to his chest, curling his arms around them and hugging them close to him. His breath came out in staggered pants as he screwed his eyes shut. 

He stayed there, in a heap on the floor, for an unknown amount of time. It could’ve been minutes or hours, but no one came to check on him or call him down to the great hall for food. The thoughts of Sirius didn’t go away, knowing he was a stranger to his brother- who would happily die before he came back home to him. Gathering his bearings on the world, Regulus managed to clamber over to his bed shakily and dropped into the mattress. His head hit the pillows and a single tear slid over his porcelain cheeks, wetting the pillowcase. 

Time blurred and he drifted into an uncomfortable slumber.

-

The marauders, Regulus found, had a shockingly speedy turn around for their pranks. Monday morning creeped up quickly to the dismay of many students but Sirius, James and Remus strode into the great hall with mischievous smiles on their faces, followed by a slightly more apprehensive and now blonde-haired Peter.

Regulus lifted his eyes from his transfiguration book and watched from the Slytherin table as they sat down, James saying something undoubtedly embarrassing to Lily Evan who only rolled her eyes at him.

All of a sudden, Severus Snape burst into the great hall with such fury that Regulus was surprised he didn’t take the large doors off their hinges. All eyes turned to look at him and loud murmuring echoed around the hall, some muffled snickering coming from the Gryffindor table.

He stood in the archway with blazing orange hair that was levitating off his head and a malicious snarl on his face. His hair, unlike Peter’s from the previous days, was all there however the way it had tangled together made Snape seem like he had never touched a hairbrush in his life. Regulus looked back down at his book to hide the amusement on his face as Snape stomped over the Gryffindor table in a huff.

“Oh Sev,” Lily chuckled “it’s almost the same colour as mine!” this drew loud cackles from the surrounding Gryffindors and made Snape’s features glow red in anger and embarrassment. 

“I know this was you, Potter!” 

“Actually-” James started with an overzealous smile on his face. Remus whacked his arm to shut him up, but he had the same entertained expression on his face as the rest of the marauders. 

“I’ll get you back for this, you filthy blood traitor!” 

“Woah there, no need to get personal,” Sirius cocked his head to the side and then drew something from his robes “would you like a brush, Snivellus?”

The scandalised look on Snape’s face had the Gryffindors falling about in laughter once more. He spluttered and floundered in offence, Lily biting her lip and shooting him an apologetic look; which he pointedly ignored. He span around and scurried away leaving the great hall in various states of mirth, and most of the Slytherins seething at the four Gryffindors who were giggling into their breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have you caught onto the chapter titles? lol


	4. He’s on the run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the first trip to Hogsmede and Regulus has weird taste in sweets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter took a little longer!! i’ve had a super busy day so it is a bit shorter than i would’ve liked :( this is honestly just a bit of regulus fluff before i brutally destroy his mental health next chapter

As October rushed in and the leaves started to brown, Regulus deemed this school year particularly uneventful. The marauders kept on with their pranks, hexing Snape and blowing up toilets, but Regulus had been so swamped with preparing for his OWLs that he almost never saw the light of day- cooped up in his corner on the library reading books until his eyes turned square.

The first trip to Hogsmeade was graciously welcomed by the student body, new third years were buzzing at the idea of getting to leave the castle unsupervised and older years were scrambling to get away from their professors for a day.

Regulus rolled his eyes at the Hogsmeade trip and claimed there were much more valuable ways to spend his time. In reality he dreaded the thought of bumping into Sirius or James sipping butter beer in the Three Broomsticks, but Crouch didn’t take no for an answer and threatened to transfigure his books into mice unless he agreed to accompany him on the trip.

So he wrapped himself up in his Slytherin scarf and his thick, black, floor-length overcoat with a pout on his face, Barty watching him with a wicked grin covering face making him look like predator leering over his prey. Regulus shifted under his gaze but obliged anyway, pulling his satchel over his head and following him out of the dormitory and through the Slytherin common room.

The small high street was bustling with young witches and wizards, decked out in hats, scarves and gloves in the baltic October winds. Barty found a cluster of Slytherin sixth years, Snape included, and weaved his way through the crowds the reach them. Regulus watched the back of his head vanish amongst the swarm of students and sighed in frustration.

Though being alone in Hogsmeade was a lot more pleasant than spending his day with the older, _more intense_ Slytherins. He left them alone and they did the same, he didn’t plan on making merry with them because of Barty Crouch Jr.

Shoving his frozen hands in his pockets he decided he was in much need of a large butter beer, pushing the fear of the marauders to the back of his mind. On his trek to the Three Broomsticks, he stopped in Honeydukes and grabbed a hand full of sugar quills and another full of blood-flavoured lollipops. The witch at the counter looked at his odd choice of sweets and raised an eyebrow but he just dug 10 sickles from his pocket and tossed them onto the counter top, shooting a stony glare at the middle aged woman.

The wind brushed his curls off of his forehead and pricked the tips of his ears. He shuffled along the high street with a crimson lollipop in his mouth, hugging his arms close to his body in attempt to maintain some warmth.

He reached the door of the Three Broomsticks and pushed it open with a huff. Warmth flowed from the inside of the pub and hit him full force, pulling him inside and making his cheeks turn pink. He flattened his unruly hair and scoured the open floor for an empty table, preferably in a more remote area of the pub. 

Keeping his lollipop between his teeth he navigated through clusters of tipsy adults and giggling witches clasping butter beer or tea between their cold hands. 

“A butter beer, please.” He muttered to the burly man behind the bar who gave an affirmative nod before turning to brew the beverage.

Regulus shed his coat and propped himself on rickety wooden stool in front the the bar, failing to find any empty tables, he pulled out an old leather bound copy of ‘Bestiarium Magicum’ from his satchel and opened on the middle page, which he had previously folded the corner of. 

A frothy, overflowing pint was placed in front of him and he gave a tight lipped smile to the man, sliding two sickles across to him. Regulus put his head back down and practically drank in the words on the pages, he flew through four chapters about XX rated creatures, occasionally pausing to take a sip of his drink. 

The Three Broomsticks only grew rowdier as the underage wizards got bored of the non-alcoholic drinks and the older ones trickled in, ordering fire whiskeys and causing a ruckus. Regulus exhaled and rubbed the pads of his fingers against his temple. Carefully closing the book he reached into his pocket to grasp a sugar quill and stuffed the book into his bag, being cautious not to squish the delicate copy. He nibbled on the sweet while gathering his things and bowed his head in a quick good bye to the bar tender who was wiping the counter top.

The sky was growing darker and dozens antique street lamps flickered as he spotted some fifth year Ravenclaws heading back to the castle. Regulus moved to follow them before stopping in his tracks. The window to Zonko’s Joke Shop was grand and inviting, the inside of the shop was completely visible; a warm, cheery atmosphere radiating through the window panes.

Inside the shop stood his brother, clasping Remus’s hand and grinning at him radiantly, with more emotion in his eyes than Regulus had ever seen. He watched Sirius bring Remus’s hand to his lips and then pull the boy down an aisle, slinging an arm around his relaxed shoulders. Remus threw his head back, a smile taking over his features and Sirius looked thoroughly pleased with himself.

Caught up in watching Sirius, Regulus was startled when the bell above the shop door rang and James and Peter stepped out, the latter clutching a bag with Zonko’s logo plastered across both sides. The younger boy almost flew up in the air in surprise, cheeks burning in embarrassment of being found staring at his brother and his friend (boyfriend?) and gnawing on a sugar quill. 

James looked up and caught his eye, mouth dropping open momentarily- Peter’s excitable explanation of what seemed to be a new prank falling on deaf ears. Regulus blinked blankly a number of times, digging his manicured nails into scabbed palms. 

He jerked forwards, as if he wanted to grab onto Regulus’s coat and hold him still but something was stopping him, an imaginary force holding him back. Whatever force it was, Regulus thanked Merlin a thousand times over for keeping James Potter rooted to the spot as he turned tail and fled the high-street, the ghost of his name of the tip of James tongue. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smart regulus is my baby and i love him and his books


	5. And your daddy’s here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quidditch injuries and awkward hospital wing visits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if my quidditch scenes aren’t really very good i tried lol
> 
> also harry potter wiki told me the slytherin quidditch captain at the time was emma vanity?? so that’s what i went with

The first Slytherin vs. Gryffindor match of the season was steadily approaching and in his own little world of books, quidditch practice completely slipped Regulus’s busy mind.

He chewed on his chapped bottom lip and rocked on his heels as he waited for Emma Vanity, the seventh year Slytherin captain, to discuss his ‘ _options on the team_ ’ in the common room. Despite missing all of the practices so far (not that anyone informed him they were taking place) Regulus knew he was the best seeker they’d had in a long time, and Vanity wouldn’t take him off the team.

The tall girl strutted into the common room with her lips pursed and robes flowing behind her. Regulus looked up and folded his arms over his chest, not knowing where else to put them.

“Black, you’ve missed every practice since the start of term.”

Her voice held an accusatory tone, but Regulus knew nothing would come of it. He squared his shoulders and returned the same deadpan stare. 

“It would be helpful if I was told when they were happening.”

Emma raised an eyebrow but shrugged anyway, not even pretending to consider kicking him from the team. He knew the other members would have something to say about the favouritism, Slughorn and Emma wouldn’t hesitate to get rid of any of the others if they were slacking but none of them had his talent, as conceited as it made him sound.

“You’re not off the team,” _of course “_ but you will be staying with Professor Slughorn after practice to organise the potions storeroom- he decided the punishment, obviously, we all know you’re his star pupil”

The tips of Regulus’s ears burned red with embarrassment but he nodded firmly before promising to show up to future practices. He turned back towards the portrait and grinned discreetly. Quidditch was one of his favourite things, before Hogwarts he and Sirius would spend hours browsing through the quidditch weekly and tackling each other on their brooms. Many of his best memories, though few and far between, with his brother included the game.

Ambling through the dungeons always made him think. Most of the time Regulus preferred not to be left with his thoughts, lonely and forced to sit with the unpleasant ideas in his mind, but every so often he enjoyed walking through the castle and listening to the quiet chatter of portraits and passing students.

It escaped his mind that he would be going head to head for the snitch with Potter, but strolling through the stony corridors of grand castle Regulus didn’t want to think about his worries.

-

He should’ve, in fact, been very very worried.

In the rain and fog that enveloped the pitch James stood with a toothy smile, waving up at the other Gryffindors in the stand who were cheering and chanting for him. He didn’t look the slightest bit put-off by the foul weather which only seemed to worsen as the Slytherin team lined up on the pitch.

Regulus’s black curls were sticking to his forehead and heavy rain droplets ran over his cheeks, blocking the view from his goggles as he kicked off from the ground with the rest of his team. The speaker sounded and the commentary started, people in the stands screaming words of encouragement to their respective houses.

He hovered to the side, waiting for any sign of the snitch and side eyes James from the corner of his eye incase he made any sudden movements. The younger seeker was a more strategic player, James tended to see the snitch and dive for it; he made reckless moves and didn’t think about what to do next. On the other hand, Regulus planned out his path and didn’t do tricks unless necessary.

Maybe he wasn’t the most exciting player to watch, but he had won Slytherin more games than he could count.

Half way through the match, like a moth to a flame, James darted upwards. Regulus snapped his head in the other boy’s direction and squinted to see the snitch fluttering around. The fog was growing thicker and the rain was torrential, James was having trouble pushing up against the weather to get to the snitch.

He tilted his broom and flew upwards slightly. Keeping his eye trained on the snitch he waited until it darted away from James and moved in his direction. The noise from the crowds and the excitable commentary faded away. Gryffindor were winning 100-70, it would be easy to beat them if the Slytherin keeper upped his game and Regulus stayed focused.

Climbing gradually higher on his broom, Regulus was almost at the same hight as James. The snitch was about a metre in front of him, he stretched his arm out shuffling along his broom as we went to get closer. But as quick as a whippet James was after him and the snitch, which had nose-dived back towards the pitch.

“Shit!” Regulus muttered under his breath, not that anyone would be able to hear him this high up.

James flew past him and Regulus was quick to action, propelling forwards and reaching James in record time. They flew neck and neck until they reached the ground. Pulling their brooms up at the same time, they missing the ground and kept going forwards after the snitch.

“I forgot how good you are.” The boy next to him grumbled and Regulus did a double take, falling behind slightly. But he shook his head and furrowed his brow, dispelling the remark from his mind and catching up to James.

They wrestled for the advantage all the way around the pitch. Sneaking in front of one another and crossing over and under, almost like a dance. The snitch was getting closer and the rain hammered against Regulus’s body. His quidditch robes were soaked through and the pellets of water felt like needles hitting his skin but the snitch was so close, just a little bit further...

”Black!” two voices roared his name and Regulus looked back in confusion to see James halted to a stop on his broom. The other voice came from higher up, a Slytherin chaser was holding a hand over her mouth before he was violently chucked from his broom.

A bludger flying at top speed whacked into his side, Regulus went flying through the air- broom discarded- and the stands went silent. It seemed to take minutes before he hit the ground, though it was only mere seconds Regulus’s whole world slowed. He landed on the soggy, muddy grass with a painful thud which knocked the wind out of him, his hair splaying around.

His rib cage _hurt_. A pathetic wheeze left his body and his vision started to spin. People were running over to him, who it was he couldn’t tell.

Sleep sounded nice.

-

Groggy and disoriented, Regulus awoke with a groan. Light flooded his eyes and he squeezed them shut again, not ready for the brightness of what he assumed was the hospital wing.

“You took quite a tumble, dear.” Madam Pomfrey’s stern voice filled his ears and he nodded mutely, not really in the headspace to hold a conversation. He propped himself up awkwardly on his arms to see the matron fussing around the hospital bed with an assortment of potions.

“Not all for you,” She gave him a knowing look and Regulus looked down quickly, embarrassed at the woman’s ability to read his facial expressions “though healing that rib of yours is going to be painful. You need a good meal and a lot of sleep while I work my magic, Mr. Black.”

He nodded gratefully and she smiled at him before gliding away to check up on a second year in distress in one of the fat beds.

Regulus brushed his now dry hair out of eyes and fiddled with the flimsy bed sheet pulled over him. He felt drowsy and his eyes were drooping. A dull ache in his side reminded him of the hit he’d taken and he sighed. _First match back and you can’t even manage to stay on your broom._ He was expecting a strongly worded letter from his mother about the whole mess.

Murmuring from the hospital wing door made him look up, eyes going wide in surprise when he saw James and Remus pushing Sirius forward towards Regulus’s bed.

“What do you want then? Come to rub it in my face, have you?” 

The hostility in his voice made the three snap out of whatever debate they were having and a look of pure hurt flashed in Sirius’s eyes before dissipating. No one spoke for a while, an awkward silence settling over them. Regulus wondered if staying quiet to begin with would’ve been better.

“We wanted to know if you were okay,” Remus spoke, sensing that Sirius was too stubborn to break the uncomfortable tension “it was a pretty brutal fall.”

“Yeah it was mental!” James added quickly.

Regulus parted his lips, at a loss for words.

“Right, er, well here I am.” He shrugged.

Sirius cracked his knuckles and the silence settled again, as awkward as before. James and Remus were shooting glances at each other, having a conversation through their eyes behind Sirius’s head while his brother was looking at the floor like there was nothing in the world more interesting.

“Get well soon, yeah?” There was a certain edge to Sirius’s voice that Regulus couldn’t place, but before he got the chance to dwell on it any longer Sirius grabbed his friends wrists and dragged them out of the hospital wing, leaving Regulus to flop back on the flat pillows and stare up at ceiling in bewilderment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was wayyy longer than i expected it to be


	6. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s halloween, regulus has sore ribs and remus is low-key a bad influence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i broke up for the christmas holidays today!! longer chapters lie ahead ;)
> 
> pov sort of switches halfway through? nothing drastic tho

Regulus’s stay in the hospital wing had been brief and uncomfortable, the bedsheets were scratchy and the lighting made his eyes strain, but Madam Pomfrey had fixed him up for the most part and sent him on his way. A large purply-blue bruise lay like a blanket over his pale torso, flowering up to his chest and down over his hips.

The matron had patted Regulus’s tense shoulders and gave him a potion for the pain before ushering him out of the wing claiming he was taking up bed space. He thanked her once more for her care, collected the pile of books which had accumulated by his bedside, and shuffled awkwardly back to the Slytherin common room, holding a hand to his ribcage and stifling a groan at the shooting pain there.

It had been almost a week since the quidditch incident and Regulus was trying his hardest to forget about it. Barty had sheepishly brought him back his broom, wishing him good health and biting his tongue as if he was dying to tease Regulus about the accident. Anyone who so much as uttered the words 'quidditch' or 'fall' received a sharp glare from him and a chuckle from Barty. 

Now halloween had creeped up on Hogwarts and the buzz between the students about the party in the Gryffindor common room was growing rapidly. The professors were non the wiser, of course, and the Slytherins turned their noses up at the thought of spending an evening in the Gryffindor common room but every other student from 5th to 7th year was whispering excitedly about it.

Regulus rolled his eyes when a few of his dorm mates started plotting to crash the party, as if anyone but the marauders could pull off something as stupid and boisterous. He decided he would spend halloween night eating pumpkin pasties and sugar quills in the library with a muggle book called _Frankenstein_ he’d managed to find buried in one of the shelves a few weeks ago. 

Word had spread that Sirius and Remus were supplying the alcohol which got many more stressed 7th years, impressionable 5th years (and even a few innocent 4th years) interested.

“Of course it would be Sirius” Regulus tutted under his breath as a group of Hufflepuffs spoke about it a little too loudly walking down the corridor.

Nothing else could captivate the mind of the school leading up to Halloween. Regulus attended his quidditch practices, sitting up in the stands watching his team mates do laps and training exercises but itching to be back on his broom, and sat through his tedious classes but there was nothing for him to look forward to, unlike the others in his year.

Dumbledore also seemed to be in the halloween spirit, decorating the great hall with pumpkins and spiderwebs and instructing the ghosts of Hogwarts to play their best pranks on the students. Pure bloods turned their noses up at the ‘muggle decorations’ but Regulus found them quite endearing- not that he could let his house peers find that out.

In all, spirits were high; almost as if it were Christmas time, and the the students at Hogwarts were happy for the break this party would bring, though Regulus doubted he would be one of the many reaping its benefits. Curled up on his bed with the curtains pulled shut and grey eyes staring up at the ceiling, Regulus thought he didn’t really care for the fuss of halloween especially when his brother and his gang of rogues were the centre of it all.

-

The party was in full swing. Students were going through fire whisky like it was water and the makeshift dance floor that had been set up was bustling with unsteady witches and wizards.

Remus stood to the side, leant against the armchair which Peter was half asleep in and nursing a paper cup in his hand. Sirius and James were jumping around and swinging their heads back and forwards to the unfamiliar tune playing, next to Lily and Mary who were dancing with just as much vigour.

He found himself rather bored spectating on his friends (not that he was about to launch himself into the action) and pushed himself off the chair, crossing the common room without word and running up the stairs two steps at a time to his dorm. The door swung open and Remus made his way to his bed, pulling out an opened packet of cigarettes and the marauders map from underneath his pillow. 

Sticking a cigarette between his lips he opened the map and scanned it for anything remotely interesting, or anywhere secluded and empty that he could escape to to collect his thoughts. He looked down at the corner of the parchment where the the name _Regulus Black_ was hovering in the kitchens, the footprints walking in circles around the page. He brushed his thumb over the name and furrowed his eyebrows. Sirius wouldn’t want him to chase after his little brother, like James had been doing during the first week back which ended in a screaming match between the best friends.

A long huff left his lips and he stuffed the map into the back pocket of his jeans. Sirius couldn’t tell him what to do, and Remus thought his stubbornness towards his blood brother made him look childish and spoilt. One too many pointless arguments about the topic proved Sirius thought otherwise.

He strolled back down the steps and skirted back around the congregation of drunk students, slipping out of the portrait without a sound.

“Skipping out on the party are we?” The fat lady called after him but he only rolled his eyes and kept moving forwards towards the kitchens. He twirled the unlit cigarette between his teeth as he walked, suddenly regretting his decision to go and talk to Regulus. What would he even say?

Before he could turn back he had already passed the Hufflepuff common room and found his way to the entrance to the kitchens. Remus rubbed the back of his neck, unsure of what to do with his arms, and quietly stepped into the kitchen.

Regulus was pacing around with a paper-back book in his hands, a wrinkle between his brow and eyes settled intensely on the pages. The older boy watched as elves worked around him not seeming too bothered by his presence and leant back against the cold stone wall. He lit the end of his cigarette with the tip of his wand, grey smoke leaving his lips.

“What are you reading?”

Remus was surprised the boy didn’t shoot through the ceiling. His body whipped around to face him and he shoved the book behind his back. A nasty sneer took over his face as he looked at Remus with suspicion.

“Why are you here?”

“Felt like it.” Remus removed the cigarette from his mouth and blew the smoke to the side. He held it out in Regulus’s direction which earned a scoff, a strand of pitch-black hair falling into his eye.

“I don’t smoke.” He said defiantly.

Remus cocked his head. “What are you scared of?” He drew his arm back in and his lips latched back onto the end of it.

“Uh, _cancer_.” 

Regulus crossed his arms and flared his nostrils and for a second Remus was speechless, he raised his eyebrows before snorting in amusement- much to the other boy’s dismay.

“That’s as good a reason as any, I suppose.”

They stood in silence for a long moment, before Remus chucked the butt of his cigarette to the floor and stamped it out. Regulus rolled his eyes and folded his arms even closer to his chest, if that was even possible. He slid down the wall despite Regulus staying stood and tapped two fingers into the top of his knee.

“Shouldn’t you be off snogging my brother or something?” Regulus asked with a hard edge to his voice, but Remus knew he had more or less accepted the fact he was here.

He chuckled and muttered and ‘if only’ under his breath, Regulus’s eyes widened for a split second before his stoic demeanour settled back over his features. He looked around at the floor, inspecting it, before plopping down where he was stood and folding his legs. Remus thought it made him look significantly younger. 

“He does care about you, you know”

“Yeah whatever” Regulus huffed and turned his head away from the brunette. Remus bit his lip and sighed. _These boys._

“Alright then, what’s that book you’re reading?” 

Regulus lips curled up in the ghost of a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remus and regulus solidarity


	7. Beautiful boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> death eater angst and sad regulus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so tiredhshdhd my day has been a bit shit sorry if this chapter is a bit worse than the last few i just wanted to get it done bc i didn’t wanna keep u all waiting <3
> 
> tw// implied/depictions of depression?? sort of

Since Regulus’s encounter with Remus in the kitchens he had found it very difficult to think about anything but the marauders. Everywhere he turned his brother or one of his obnoxious friends popped up, completely overpowering any other voices that were present. Regulus had become acutely aware of Sirius’s whiny voice, James’s bellowing laugh, Remus’s loud footsteps and Peter’s ability to knock anything and everything over.

If he didn’t know any better he would think he was being followed.   
  


The Christmas holidays were a month and a half away and Regulus wished he had a time turner. Days were blurring together, lessons seemed hours long, quidditch practices were tedious and cold and his homework load has sufficiently increased. 

He sat with his legs crossed and head down on an emerald green couch in the Slytherin common room, hand cramping up as he finished his potions essay. Barty had gone up to bed about an hour ago with tired eyes and rolls of parchment under his arms but Regulus only shooed him away and focused back on his homework. It was cold in the dungeons, goosebumps stood up on Regulus’s pale skin and he huddled further into the fluffy pyjamas t-shirt he had on.

Dropping his head to the arm of the sofa, he breathed slowly and stared at the half finished essay on his lap. His hand relaxed and the quill fell, splashing droplets of ink onto the parchment, but Regulus couldn’t find it in him to care. 

The measly fire crackled, illuminating Regulus’s face with the little light it gave off. His head felt heavy despite being empty. Gravity pulled him down, and he felt as if he was sinking into the couch. He wasn’t sure of the time, or what day it was, his eyes wouldn't close- they just stared blankly at the fire. He lightly hummed the tune of a song he remembered hearing on one of his muggle cassettes, he thought it was by _Queen_ but he couldn’t be sure.

Sirius was more knowledgeable on muggle music. Probably because of Remus, Regulus assumed. But he would know. His face would light up and he would grab Regulus’s hand, spinning him around and singing the lyrics drastically off key, like he used to.

When he eventually drifted to sleep, bent at a weird angle with his homework splayed out across him and his features pinched into a frown, he dreamt of darkness reaching into his already-decaying soul and eating away at what was left.

-

Morning came at last and Regulus stood looking vacantly into the foggy bathroom mirror. He picked at his robes and ran the tip of index finger over his purple eye bags. His reflection felt false, he didn’t recognise his hair or the colour of his eyes or the curve of his jaw. He kept staring until the bathroom door opened behind him, jolting him out of his clouded mind. 

Barty peeked his head around and nodded his head to the side, ushering Regulus to him. Words were falling from his lips but they didn’t quite reach Regulus’s ears. He nodded anyway and pushed back off the sink towards Barty, floating along after him.

They reached the great hall, Regulus falling slightly behind his Slytherin friend. His feet dragged along the stone floor as if he were wading through water, fully submerged up to the tips of his ears. Snape raised an eyebrow as he took a seat at the long table and narrowed his eyes. He placed his hands in his lap and looked straight ahead at the wall, ignoring Barty who was placing a piece of toast and a hash brown on his plate.

He picked out the marauders voices quickly- James’s rough drawl first, it was loud, like usual- focusing in on them among the chatter of the great hall.   
  


“He looks _sick_ Pad-foot.”

“Not my problem, Prongs.”

Regulus stopped listening.

Suddenly a letter was being waved in front of his face and a brown owl was flying away from the table, a white envelope with delicate cursive on the front and the Black family crest pressed into a red wax seal. He blinked twice before picking the letter from Barty’s hands and cocked his head as he looked down at it. 

“You’re really out of it today mate” Barty shook his head and tucked back into his large bowl of porridge.

Regulus knew his mother’s handwriting anywhere- big swirling letters and curly _R_ ’s. He felt bile rising in this throat as his shaky fingers teared open the envelope. Pulling the paper out of it and opening it slowly, he began to read.

_Dearest Son,_

_The Dark Lord is requesting our presence in his army. Your father has decided it is our time to act, therefore I am writing to inform you of our active roll as his followers. This is a responsibility we expect you to take on in the near future._

_We have made arrangements for you to receive the Dark Mark on your 16th birthday, where you will join your cousins Bellatrix and Narcissa in fighting for the right cause._

_Respectfully,_

_Walburga Black_

Whatever colour was left drained from his face and he pushed himself up, almost knocking the bench from underneath him. He ignored Barty’s questioning shouts and Snape’s wary gaze and fled from the great hall. Regulus ran all the way to Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom, knowing it would be deserted, robes billowing behind him and hair flying away from him face.

He threw open the door to one of the stalls and hurled into the rusted toilet bowl. The letter slipped from his hands and fluttered to the floor as he retched. 

Eventually he sat back against the wall of the dirty stall and looked at the discarded piece of parchment lying on the floor. An indignant sob left his lips and he slammed his head back against the stall. The darkness clawed its way back up and wrapped itself around Regulus’s throat, silencing the shaky cries on his tongue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry bout this i’m feeling angsty


	8. Before you go to sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> McGonagall is asking who wants to stay at Hogwarts during the Christmas holidays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wonder what i’m gonna do if i run out of lines from the song before i’m finished with this book.....

The Great Hall was decked out in Christmas decorations from top to bottom. A grand evergreen tree- taller than any Regulus has ever seen- stood in the corner of the hall covered in tinsel, silver and white baubles and sprinkled with snow. Garlands hung from the walls and a large wreath of crimson, gold, and emerald was suspended on the entrance.

It was the first week of December and a giddy atmosphere had settled over the castle. In two weeks Hogwarts would break up for Christmas and it’s students couldn’t be more thrilled, most of them anyway.

Regulus rung his hands together and bit his lip as he stood outside of Professor McGonagall’s office. The last letter he received from his mother informed him of their life plan for him to become a death eater, but the when Regulus woke up on the icy morning of December 6th, another letter was waiting for him.

_Dearest Son_

_Please notify your professors that you will be spending Christmas time at Hogwarts this year, as there is no room for you at Grimmauld Place with our current arrangements_

_Respectfully,_

_Walburga Black_

Short, stern and straight to the point, just like his mum. Unsurprisingly, a wave of relief washed over him and the weight of having to face his parents and their death eater acquaintances at Christmas was lifted from his shoulders. Professor Slughorn had directed him towards McGonagall when he approached the potions master about staying at the castle, that’s what brought Regulus to his current nerve wrecking situation- wondering how hard he should knock on the woman’s office door.

He stepped forwards and knocked gingerly on the wooden door, straightening his posture and willing his fidgety hands to his sides. His black curls brushed against his forehead and he fought the urge to push them out of his face and mess up his precisely styled hair. Muffled steps approached the door from the other side and he took a small step backwards. 

“Good afternoon Mr Black” The fierce woman asked as the door swung open. She looked down at his over the frame of her half moon glasses and raised an eyebrow.

“Good afternoon Professor, I came to ask about staying in the castle during the Christmas holidays, my mother has informed me she wishes that I stay here this year.” He refrained from stumbling over his words and kept his head held high despise the nerves thrumming under his skin.

McGonagall nodded, though a confused, or maybe worried, look flashed in her eyes, Regulus couldn’t pinpoint it. She walked briskly back over to her desk and grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill, then returned to the doorway where Regulus stood. At the top in big, rounded cursive were the words _Christmas Boarding Students_ and two names were signed underneath- a 3rd year Ravenclaw and a 5th year Hufflepuff.

Grasping the quill with his slender fingers he scrawled his name down with out word. He passed her the quill and the parchment back and took another step away from the door, turning to leave before she stopped him.

“Will your brother not be joining you this Christmas, Regulus?” He froze and his eyes widened. Gathering himself together quickly and curling his nails up into the inside of his palms he turned back towards the transfiguration professor. In the corner of his eyes he could make out four boys approaching from the other end of the corridor, laughing gaily with their arms around one another.

“No, Professor, he’s found a better place to go this year.”

Trying his hardest to keep the venom spitting out with his words he flared his nostrils and dug his nails further into his skin. The boys, now evidently the marauders, had quietened down and practically stopped walking as they reached McGonagall and Regulus.

“Not staying with your brother during the holidays Mr Black?” She asked Sirius who was frowning now, though still draped over James who was it the process of straightening his tie and pushing Sirius off him.

“Er... what?” 

“Mother requested I stay here this year, that’s nothing for you to worry about though.” Regulus crossed his arms and looked at the floor, avoiding Sirius’s eyes. The older boy parted his lips slightly and took a step closer to his little brother who, in tern, stepped backwards away from him.

“Why doesn’t she want you at home? She always wants you at home.”

“It’s none of your business!”

The other people stood in the hall faded away to the two brothers as Regulus’s avoiding gaze turned into a harsh glare, Sirius reciprocating the eye contact with the same furious intensity.

“Just go and play happy family with Potter like you always do and forget this conversation even happened,” Regulus sneered at him “its not any of you concern, _brother._ ” 

“Regulus wait!” Sirius called after him as he sped along the corridor and sprinted down the staircase to the entrance hall. Tears welled up, threatening to spill over his cheeks, he reached the bottom of the mighty staircase and leant forward placing his hands on his knees. Hard pants left his nose and his lungs felt like they were expelling all of the air he had left. Plopping down on the bottom step he buried his head in his hands and stabbed his fingers into his scalp, grabbing the roots of his hair.

Unbeknownst to Regulus, Sirius stood dumbfounded on the first floor corridor. McGonagall was ushering him into her office and his three friends were pushing him forwards, all exchanging worried glances and fleeting looks at the end of the corridor where Regulus disappeared from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if it feels like i’m skipping over lots of the year?? i have plans for this story to span over 5th year, 6th year, 7th year AND after hogwarts as well so


	9. Say a little prayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everyone is going home for the holidays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ve decided i love remus and regulus as friends so !!!! there will be more james content this chapter as well i promise we’re getting there
> 
> btw their other dorm mates are nameless because they have no significance and i cba naming them

Leant against his bedpost with his shirt rolled up to his elbows and his tie haphazardly slung around his neck, Regulus watched as Barty teared apart his bed covers looking for the rest of his clothes to pack, chucking pillows around and pulling back his duvet with a huff. Regulus rolled his eyes at his friend, for someone so cunning and _relatively_ smart he was awfully unorganised.

It wasn’t often that Regulus let his robes get messy and his hair flow free from its normal gelled state, but with Barty being such a disaster Regulus figured no one would care about his disheveled appearance. He was correct, given the state their dorm was in the other two boys who shared it with them didn’t even bat an eye at Regulus. 

He walked over to Barty’s side of the room and started picking up after the boy, throwing any items of clothes into the trunk situated on the floor. The Hogwarts express was arriving early the next morning and watching Barty fumble around with his overflowing trunk made Regulus chuckle in relief- he never liked packing.

“You’ve got to help me mate,” Barty straightened himself out and rubbed a hand over his forehead, “half of my bloody clothes have gone missing!”

One of their dorm mates barked out a laugh, throwing himself back onto his bed and sliding his hands underneath his head. Regulus smirked and shook his head. He pulled his wand from his waistband, casting _lumos_ and squatting down my the side of the bed and looking underneath it.

The Christmas feast was in a few hours, Dumbledore would make his usual speech while friends whispered amongst each other about their holiday plans like always. This year wouldn’t be any different expect for Regulus's change of plans. Not that he normally listened to the headmaster with much vigour, but his housemates were much more enthusiastic about the holidays than he was this year.

As Barty gathered the rest of his things and flopped over his jammed trunk to close the latches. ‘ _Colloportus’_ Regulus muttered and the trunk snapped shut, locking itself. The other boy shot a flustered but thankful look at him and he laughed slightly, falling back onto his own crumpled sheets, letting his green and silver tie slip from around his neck. 

-

Tired and rather bored, Regulus rested his chin on his folded arms which were placed on top of the Slytherin table. His clothes were still slightly wrinkled under his school robe but his hair was practically flattened to his head in Barty’s attempt to make him look presentable on the last day of school. 

Students were filing into the Great Hall in clumps, laughing loudly and exchanging smiles with their classmates. He lifted his head as James Potter’s familiar voice filled his ears. The tall boy was dressed in his school uniform- minus his tie- with his messy chestnut brown hair flying in all directions and his glasses crooked on his face. He was walking next to Lily Evans who seemed throughly disinterested in whatever James was saying, though she had a barely noticeable smile on her lips and a glint in her eyes that made Regulus cock his head to the side.

He knew that James had been pursuing Evans since second year, that’s all Snape whined about during their brief study sessions in common room, what he didn’t realise that she reciprocated the feelings. Regulus was _obviously_ unexperienced when it came to love, but he wasn’t stupid. Taking another look at Evans and the faint blush rising on her neck it seemed she didn’t even know it herself. 

Regulus tore his eyes away from the pair and dropped his head back to his arms and huffed, his shoulders rising and falling again. Barty looked up from across the table where he was toying with the front of his robes and gave him a firm pat on the back making Regulus jump from the unsuspected contact.

“Christmas will go by in a flash, then we’ll all be back and worrying about OWLs again.” He smiled at him but Regulus thought he resembled some sort of beast with pointy teeth and a predatory grin. Barty was never very good at smiling.

“I suppose.” 

As far as he knew, the other boy didn’t know anything about his parents plans for him. Barty would probably be subjected to a similar fate; Regulus didn’t know much about his home life just like he didn’t know much about Regulus’s, but he didn’t plan on broadcasting his affiliation with the Dark Lord to the world. The other boy had a tendency to blabber about things he shouldn’t.

Professor Dumbledore’s speech was monotonous and Regulus stared lazily up at the floating candles adorning the ceiling. He didn’t even notice when a feast of delicious smelling food, piled high and spreading out across the entire table. He slowly shifted his gaze to the Gryffindor table where his brother and Remus were missing from. He rolled his eyes, assuming they were gone for a particular reason, and focused back on where James and Peter were chatting away with Lily, Marlene and Mary.

Abruptly, he locked eyes with James, who was now staring straight at him with a slight curl of his lips. Regulus panicked, wanting to move his eyes away from the Gryffindor but feeling fully locked in. He waiting for James to break away, turn back lovingly to Lily or be distracted by Peter waving his arms around excitedly, but he never did.

Intimidated and mildly uncomfortable, Regulus looked down and his face behind his arms. He kept his eyes trained on the table, refusing to look up when Barty called on him, scared that James would still be picking him apart.

-

Ambling side by side Regulus and Barty exited the Great Hall and started walking back to the dungeons. They walked in silence, Barty still stuffing pudding into his face and Regulus was looking at his feet, stepping over the cracks in the stone.

“Black!” James Potter shouted from behind him making both boys spin around. Regulus cursed under his breath, sent Barty a steely glance and pushed him away in the direction on the Slytherin common room, despite his disapproving spluttering.

“What?” 

“Aggressive are we, Regulus?”

“Get to the point or piss off.”

James chortled and straightened his glasses before pulling a badly wrapped present from his robe. The paper was red and crinkled, as if it had been sat on, and there was a frayed gold ribbon holding everything together. It was very fitting for the Gryffindor stood in front of him. James waved it in his face and Regulus raised his eyebrows in question.

“It’s for you,” He grabbed Regulus’s hand and turned his palm upwards, shoving the gift into his grasp, “mine- Rem- our treat.”

He smiled and Regulus stood still in shock, lifting the present to his line of site to inspect it with caution. It was an odd shape, or maybe that was just the horrific wrapping, wide at the bottom and smaller at the top with something jutting out to the side. Lowering it again he tilted his head to the side and held it away from his body, scared that it was going to blow up at any moment.

“Are you sure this isn’t going to kill me?” He asked earning another laugh from James. Regulus thought James laughed all too much for such a miserable world.

“It was mainly Remus’s idea, but Sirius picked out the stuff and me and Peter wrapped it, as you can probably tell.”

Regulus scratched the side of his head at a loss for words. Sirius hadn’t got him a Christmas present since Regulus’s first year. James looked apprehensive, fiddling with the end of his tie and looking anywhere but the Slytherin in front of him.

“This feels stupid now.” He said.

“It’s not-” Regulus interrupted, still searching for the right thing to say, “I haven’t gotten a Christmas present in a long time.”

James nodded and gave him a sad smile which Regulus immediately looked away from, feeling mocked by the pity

“You should write to me- us over the holidays, y’know” James started to back away with his hands stuffed into the robes of his pockets. His typical cocky expression returned to his face and Regulus looked at him, unimpressed.

“I don’t even know where you live!” 

“That’s not a no!” He shouted back over his shoulder as he started to run back in the direction on the Gryffindor common room. Frustrated and confused, Regulus stomped his foot and huffed. He felt rather childish as he turned back around and continued back down to his own common room, clutching the scruffy parcel.

When he reached his dorm the three other boys were snoring away, Barty more heavily than the others, leaving Regulus with his thoughts. He planted himself on his bed and drew the curtains and sat looking at the present through the darkness, ignoring the annoying and strange feeling twisting in his stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i saw a thing on tiktok that someone had a hc that james was from liverpool and no one could understand his accent and now that’s all i can think about because i’m from liverpool


	10. Every day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s christmas day and regulus is a softie even if he denies it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanna write a drarry story but i’m determined to finish this book before i start anything new and ambitious so

He’d never really thought about it before but having a common room in the dungeons made for quite a miserable place to wake up. It was cold and dim, Regulus had to cast _lumos_ to get changed, the black and green decor was anything but cosy and he thought there was way too much floor space than needed. 

When he woke up on Christmas day everything was the same, except for the eerily quite aura that was resting over the Slytherin common room. As far as he knew the only other Slytherins staying over the holidays were a set of twins in first year and a girl in third year.

He walked down to the stairs from his dorm and made his way to sit in front of the fire with his back against the front of the couch. There was a small tree next to the fireplace, not what most would expect from Slytherin who usually liked to go over the top, it was wrapped in white twinkling lights and had silver icicles hanging from the leaves. There were a few small presents under it addressed to the other Slytherins in the castle, but none to him.

Receiving gifts from his parents was highly unexpected after the summer he’d had but not even a letter waited for him under the tree. He lolled his head back, staring up at the ceiling through his dark shining eyes and pulled his knees up to his chest. The sound of timid steps approaching made him snap his head up. He turned to his right to see the third year girl entering the common room, stopping in her tracks when she saw him.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know anyone would be here!” She squeaked. Her hair was strawberry blonde and pin straight, tucked securely behind her ears. She had olive tinted skin and striking amber eyes which shone even in the subdued light of the common room.

“Don’t worry” Regulus said, turning back to the fire. He didn’t pay much mind to the younger girl as she knelt next to the tree still dressed in her pyjamas which were quidditch themed and reminded Regulus of a pair he had in first year. She dug out three presents from under the tree and started to pull at the wrapping paper.

He cast his mind back to the present he had tucked under his pillow from the marauders he was yet to open. Startling the girl as he jumped up rather suddenly, Regulus strides across the common room and ascended the stairs and found himself back in his dormitory, lifting up his pillow and grabbing the squished present.

The dormitory was too dark and lonely without the other boys there- as annoying as they were- so Regulus bit his lip and walked back down the stairs to join the third year again. She looked up and gave him a small smile before going back to opening her presents. He sat himself back down against the couch and started to pull at the bow tying the present together.

It unravelled quickly along with the paper and Regulus watched as it fell apart, chuckling once again at the terrible wrapping. 

“Who’s that off?” The girl asked making Regulus bristle.

“Some friends, I suppose.”

“You suppose?”

Making a noise of acknowledgment Regulus carefully pushed the paper back to reveal an assortment of things. There was a bunch of sugar quills, a squished but still sealed packet of cigarettes with black marker scribbled over the plastic and a book which seemed to be the only thing not damaged. His eyes widened as he looked at the items and a small smile placed itself on his lips.

Picking up the smokes, which were obviously from Remus, he read the chicken scratch: _what’s cancer going to do? kill you?_ A surprised laugh left his mouth and he shook his head, gaining the attention of the third year next to him. She watched as he picked up a sugar quill and snapped off the end of it in his mouth, placed the packet down and picked up the book which was muggle, by the looks of it, and examined the front.

The cover was red with gold piping and illustrated flowers swirling around the book. In bold but delicate lettering were the words ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and Regulus ran his hand over the front to feel the dips and curves of the decorative cover. The spine had the same gold boarder and the name ‘William Shakespeare’ running vertically down the side. He turned it over to read the blurb on the back, admiring the gilded lettering.

_An age-old vendetta between two powerful families erupts into bloodshed. A group of masked Montagues risk further conflict by gatecrashing a Capulet party. A young lovesick Romeo Montague falls instantly in love with Juliet Capulet, who is due to marry her father's choice, the County Paris._

Regulus tilted his head as he read and his curls, which had grown since his haircut at the end of summer and were now covering his ears and tickling the nape of his neck, fell into his eyes. But he didn’t bother to push them back. Instead he hugged the book into his chest and picked up the packet of cigarettes, re-reading the writing over and over again. There was a warm, light, content feeling blossoms throughout his body as he stared at his present.

“I’m Lilith, by the way.” He turned to look at her, she was holding a stuffed purple dragon and a notepad with an elegant silver quill.

“I’m Regulus,” holding out one hand he gave her a tight lipped smile “nice to meet you.”

She shook his hand and nodded firmly, returning the smile. 

“Do you think you could help me with my potions essay? I’m afraid Professor Slughorn doesn’t like me very much.” 

Normally, the younger years irritated Regulus. He was never very good at handling children. But Lilith seemed sweet enough and something about her nervousness reminded Regulus of his own first few years at Hogwarts. His stomach grumbled and he looked down, dropping the cigarettes in the process. Lilith giggled next to him.

“Let’s eat breakfast first, the library will still be there after 10 o’clock.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good sibling regulus™
> 
> i kind of made lilith up as a spare of the moment thing but she will be in future chapters and her and regulus will probably be like siblings!!


	11. In every way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there’s a lion and pretty ravenclaw boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly i had zero idea where this chapter was going when i started writing it let’s hope it’s okay
> 
> tw// slight homophobia

The first day back in the new year left an annoyed, tired feeling with the students of Hogwarts. Despite their excitement to be back in the castle with their friends, sharing stories of their holidays, most were dreading getting back to school work. Regulus had spent most of his time off hunched over a roll of parchment and a textbook so the return to a normal school schedule was more or less indifferent to him.

As he took his seat at the back of the class in history of magic, the chatter of the surrounding Ravenclaws made his bury his head in his arms. Though he denied it he was rather lonely, not that Regulus was wildly popular to begin with, Barty was his only friend and they could barely stand the same things- proving it difficult to have an intellectual conversation that didn’t involve food, Gryffindors or the Dark Arts.

Professor Binns droned on about the great wizarding war of 1602, barely acknowledging the fact that half of the class were asleep, leaving Regulus to doodle on his parchment where his notes should be. 

He found himself scribbling the outline of a lion which was majestic and fierce with a huge furry mane. It took up most of the space on his paper, and overlapped with some of his notes making them very difficult to read, not that he’d need them- history of magic was a frustratingly easy subject. Looking down at it with a furrowed brow and squinted eyes like he was trying to find its hidden meaning, Regulus had completely zoned the rest of the class out.

The lion stared stared back at him almost accusingly and he crossed his arms in a huff. Startling him slightly, there was a light tap on his shoulder and he whirled around to face Nico Bagshot, a Ravenclaw boy with raven hair matching Regulus’s, only it was messy and short (it reminded him vaguely of James’s birds nest). 

His plump lips were curved up into a smile and his chocolate brown eyes were focused intently on the striking illustration of the lion. Regulus raised an eyebrow at the boy and pushed one of his stray curls behind his ear. Nico looked quickly back up at Professor Binns who was turned with his back to the class, writing incredibly slowly on the chalkboard, before flicking his eyes back to Regulus and leaning closer to his ear.

“You’re very good at drawing.” He whispered, his hot breath tickling the shell of Regulus’s ear.

“It’s not that good” he found himself replying in the same hushed tone. He turned his head fully to face the boy and flushed pink at the close proximity between them.

Nico giggled- _was it a giggle? Had Regulus ever heard anyone giggle before?_ \- in a way that made his eyes twinkle and his white teeth sparkle in the sunlight shining through the windows of the classroom. Regulus looked at him for a long moment, his jaw had hard edges and the contours of his cheeks were deep. If Nico had lighter hair and a pair of old, rusted, circular glasses he would look remarkably similar to James Potter.

Resting his cheek on his palm he let his gaze scan over the Ravenclaw’s face as he picked up Regulus’s quill and started to doodle little stars around the lions body, not caring about scrawling over the useless notes that were there from the start of the lesson as if he shared the same disinterest for history of magic as Regulus.

When he was satisfied, Nico placed the quill down and leant back to admire his work. The lion was now sat amongst a large constellation of extravagant and minuscule stars, and Regulus had to admit it looked a lot more complete than before. He shot Nico a shy grin which was returned by him with much more enthusiasm.

Suddenly, the students around them started to move and when the boys looked up the rest of the class were packing away their things. Hastily Regulus shoved the parchment and quill into his back along with his history of magic text book, hanging back slightly when he was done for Nico.

They walked silently side by side until they reached the door and the other boy grabbed Regulus’s wrist.

“I can give you my notes,” he said, chuckling slightly “since we sort of drew all over yours.”

Knowing full well that he didn’t need them, he had the history of magic text book practically memorised in his head, but wanting to see Nico’s effortlessly ruffled hair and long neck that graciously showed the outline of his Adam’s apple and the ridges of his throat, Regulus nodded resolutely. They gave each other one last smile before Nico turned on his heal and started down the corridor.

A familiar had Regulus whirling around, coming face to face with Barty and a group of Slytherins he knew in passing.

“Was that Nico Bagshot?” His voice was high pitched and whiny as always, but there was a certain edge to it that made Regulus think he should proceed with caution.

“Yeah he just needed my history of magic notes” Regulus mumbled. He turned slightly to get away from Barty but the oblivious boy only latched onto Regulus, pulling his down unexpectedly and making him stumble.

“Watch out for him Reg,” God he hated when Barty called him nicknames “I overheard that he tried to _you know what_ with a Hufflepuff bloke in 6th year.”

“He what?”

“Yeah, pushed him off apparently, but who wouldn’t? Come to think of it, I’m not surprised! He acts like a right pansy.”

The boys around them started to laugh, each adding their own comments about Nico’s extra curricular activities. Regulus forced a smirk onto his face and gave a strained laugh, but Barty was too enraptured with his own rather pathetic joke to see the discomfort on Regulus’s face. He shoved down the hurt in his stomach and willed away the scratchy sensation in his throat, opting to keep his head down and puff out a laugh when necessary.

Thoughts tumbled around his brain at top speed, wondering what that made _him_. The feeling of being close enough to Nico to reach out and traces the lines of his face didn’t make him uncomfortable, in fact it made him quite pleased. More pleased than Barty had ever made him feel when he grabbed at Regulus like he was a stuffed toy.

As the boys neared the bathrooms he wriggled free from the tight grip of the Slytherin and shouted an apology over his shoulder, not caring if they heard before ducking into the toilets. He walked briskly to the sink and dropped his bag, flicked on the tap and splashed his pale face with cold water. He stared into the mirror as he dabbed his face with the sleeve of his robe and leaned down to pull out the piece of parchment from his history of magic class.

Once again the lion gawked up at him, sat comfortably in its constellation and Regulus gripped the rim of the sink harshly, imagining a much taller, more brash, and leaner boy than Nico, with round glasses and faint freckles dancing across his nose like stars; just like the galaxy the lion was so snugly tucked into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KEEP MAKING UP OC’S?!?!? I DONT MEAN TODHBDHD anyways the pining has begun my friends


	12. It’s getting better and better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> regulus runs away from a whole bunch of people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xmas has been busy sorry for the wait!! 
> 
> also i’m a firm believer regulus animagus would be a cat so yes i’m making him take on the traits of a cat while he’s human no i won’t take criticism

“There you are!” 

  
Regulus groaned inwardly as Barty ran up him in the library, knocking over a rather large stack of books and making Madam Prince shoot the iciest glare he’d ever received in their direction. For the past two weeks he’d been spending most of his time avoiding multiple people- many more than the logical part of Regulus’s brain deemed necessary but alas emotions clouded his judgement.

First there was Barty, difficult to escape the clutches of seeing as they shared a dormitory but he was throughly not in the mood to talk to him, then were was Nico, his original reasoning for avoiding the Ravenclaw was that he didn’t want to be labelled as a queer because he _wasn’t_ but the constant nagging in his brain reminded him that Nico looked terribly similar to James who was also someone he was trying to avoid. In fact, it wasn’t as if his evasion of the marauders, particularly James, was anything new so Regulus thought he could write that one off.

So he was hiding in the library during lunch, rather stupid of him as that’s where he normally was, avoiding (definitely more than) two people, cramming for an astronomy test and wishing the floor was gobble him up as Barty quickly approached him.

“Here I am.” He waved his arms around by his side, giving timid jazz hands and hoping the other boy couldn’t detect the annoyance in his voice. Barty kicked out the chair opposite Regulus and placed himself down awkwardly, limbs hanging over the seat uncomfortably. Regulus could picture multiple different faces that would make him immensely happier if they were sat in front of him right now.

Barty pulled out a charms textbook and a roll of parchment all whilst blabbering on about something Regulus wasn’t very interested in. His lips moved rapidly as he talked but Regulus just looked back at his textbook and nodded whenever Barty looked up at to convince him he was listening.

Entertaining his friend was a tiresome task and Regulus wasn’t really up for it. He stared back at his astronomy notes but the words blurred on the page and he rubbed his eyes, wishing Barty would leave him to focus on his revision and obsess over where his next hiding place will be since the library _obviously_ wasn’t working out. With a huff he slammed his book shut, making Barty jump in surprise, he pushed his chair out and stuffed his things under his arm and he stood up with admittedly less integrity than he hoped.

His arms flailed and his hair fell into his tired eyes, Barty raised an eyebrow at Regulus who’s cheeks puffed out as he sighed. 

“What’s up, mate?” Barty inquired.

“Tried. Got any notes for this astronomy test, mine are shit.”

The other boy chortled and pulled a small sheet of paper from his bag, it was practically empty and the writing that was there was basically unreadable. Regulus cocked his head as Barty handed it to him and he laughed again making Regulus cringe at the sound. He dropped his hand to his side and nodded at Barty with slight disappointment on his face.

“You know I’m bad at astronomy Reg.” He ground his teeth at the use of his nickname.

“Hmmm, you and me both” mumbling a goodbye he fled the library and rushed through the corridors with his robes billowing behind him. He reached the astronomy tower in what seemed like seconds and stopped to breathe near a group of 5th year Gryffindors who he recognised from his astronomy class. They looked at him with sly eyes as if he was going to hex them at any second but Regulus only rolled his eyes and stalked away in the other direction.

A streak of blue made him stop in his tracks and he narrowed his eyes to see the dark mop of hair and pointed jaw he’d been avoiding for the past two weeks. He ran a hand through his hair and looked around for a nook or cranny to dip into out of Nico’s view but there didn’t seem to be anywhere for him to hide. His steps slowed and he fell behind slightly on the large spiral staircase, hoping the Ravenclaw didn’t look back in his direction.

Regulus longed to grasp his wrist and pull him back down the stairs into an empty classroom, or all the way down to the kitchens where he could sit and trace his finger over the angles of his face and look into his honey brown eyes. He stopped walking and watched Nico disappeared up the steps with his head thrown back in laughter showing off the smooth skin of his neck, untouched by blemishes or moles, perfectly fit for running his hands over.

The light shone through the slits in the walls of the tower and illuminated Nico’s tan skin. Regulus breath sped up slightly and he curled his hands into fists, wondering what was going on in his brain- and his lungs.

Biting down on his lip harshly he forced the thought out of his head. Swinging his head up to the top of the stairs where the door to the astronomy classroom stood open and then back down the bottom of the spiralling steps, he decided his astronomy test will have to wait. He jumped down the stairs two at a time and kept running down the corridor. 

“Skipping lessons now are we?” A slimy, over annunciated voice sounded from behind him and Regulus rolled his eyes for what seemed to be the millionth time this day.

“Following me now are we?” Regulus jeered as he spun on his heal to face the greasy, spindly boy. Despite being in Slytherin, Regulus wasn’t at all fond of Severus (he didn’t think many Slytherins were, in all honesty), his voice was slow and irritating and he tended to stick his large hooked nose where it doesn’t belong. Snape’s deepest eyes flashed with frustration before he placed his hands on his hip and tried to blow some falling oily strands of hair out of his eyes. Regulus thought he looked like an overgrown toddler throwing a temper tantrum.

Not giving him the chance to answer, he swept past the other Slytherin and turned a corner which lead to the bottom on the clock tower. He weaved nimbly through the crowds of sixth years, who were chatting to each other during their free period, and ran out onto the long wooden bridge that crossed the Hogwarts grounds and was sagging slightly in the middle.

He let out a breath when he reached the middle and he slowed to a stop, leaning against one of the wooden posts and looking out across the green hills of the castle grounds. As the mid-January winds brushed through his curls he frowned, pulled his robes tightly around his body (not expecting it to be so cold in his rush to escape the grimy sixth year Slytherin) and mentally added Severus Snape to his list of people who he needed to avoid, which was getting longer by the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i really don’t know when to make regulus open up the marauders?? like i don’t wanna rush into things but i don’t want to drag them out...
> 
> the next chapter will be a lot longer i promise


	13. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shakespeare and geordie accents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry if the updates seem slower?? i thought being off school would help me get more chapters out but honestly not having a schedule has messed me up

The numbing February winds chilled Regulus’s fingertips and reddened his nose as he sat in the Middle Courtyard of Hogwarts running his hands over the cover of his copy of _Romeo and Juliet_ he was so kindly gifted at Christmas. He hadn’t opened the cover yet, just sat and stared at it hoping to absorb the words through the pages; scared that if he opened the book it would come crashing down on him that the marauders (his brother especially) got him a Christmas present.

It was a dull Saturday afternoon and grey clouds lay across the sky like a blanket stopping any beams of light from penetrating through to the ground. Regulus was perched on one of arches in the courtyard walls with his legs pressed into his chest and his Slytherin scarf wrapped around his neck, his hair falling into his face at the weird angle. 

Burning into his lap, the book lay with its decorative cover shut- still as pristine as the day he got it. Regulus ran a hand over his face and rubbed his temples. Barty had taken over their dormitory trying to train his new cat, who was part-kneazle and seemed to want to do anything but be trained by Barty, and the common room was bustling with stressed 6th and 7th years doing last minute essays. So Regulus was left to find a calm place of his own.

The courtyard was fairly empty seeing as it was February as not many people wanted to spend it outside if they didn’t have to, but the light chatter from the odd groups of people passing by helped distract him from the weight of the book on his thighs. A flurry of footsteps behind him made him turn his head slightly to see Sirius and Remus chasing each other down the hallway, they stopped further down from Regulus and leant against one of the arches for support, wheezing with laughter and stood exceedingly close to each other.

“I didn’t know you’d actually do it Sirius!” Remus huffed between laughs. 

“Of course I would! You underestimate me Moons” He bumped his shoulder into the taller boy’s while he spoke. Remus shook his head, still laughing with his lips stretched into a smile and his eyes crinkled at the corners. They stared into each other’s eyes for a brief second, their laughter slowing, before Remus broke away and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

“Well if McGonagall gives me detention because of this I’ll take you up the vets and have you put down.” Remus took his left hand from his pocket and tapped Sirius twice on the cheek with his palm, making him growl in mock offence before they dissolved into laughter once more.

Regulus raised his eyebrow and leant his head back against the stone wall behind him. He shifted his eyes to the book in front of him and traced one of the flowers with his finger tip, mulling over Remus’s words in his head. In reality, they made no sense but he couldn’t help but think they had a different meaning (or maybe he meant exactly that, but they were hiding something).

A small tap on his shoulder startled him out of his trace and he flinched away, making the person who tapped him step back and hold up his hands in surrender. He turned to see Nico dressed in muggle clothes- a pair of baggy denim jeans, a plain grey hoodie with frayed drawstrings and white trainers with red laces that were way too long- with his hair effortlessly messy as usual and a smirk on his face.

“You nearly hit the ceiling Black” He chuckled, positioning himself against the wall and looking Regulus with a certain intensity that lit his stomach on fire. 

“Oh shut up Bagshot.” Regulus crossed his arms and screwed up his nose at the other boy who kept his smirk on his face and reached out to grab the end of Regulus green and grey scarf, fiddling with the tassels at the bottom. Regulus’s neck heated up and all of a sudden he wished he could just take the stupid scarf off.

“Are you done avoiding me now?”

“What? I wasn’t avoiding you.” The pitch of his voice climbed higher and Nico chuckled at his defiance.

“Sure you weren’t.”

It had been a few weeks since their first history of magic lesson, the lion Regulus drew was still crumpled up under his pillow in its blanket of stars. History of magic lessons ever since had been mildly awkward (to say the least). Regulus kept his head facing the front of buried it in his arms while Nico made futile attempts at starting a conversation until the end of the lesson when Regulus would hurl his belongings into his bag and flee from the classroom.

He looked up at him through his curls which were still in his face, tickling his brow bone, and thought briefly about his answer for speaking.

“Okay then,” Nico raised an eyebrow “I’m sorry I was avoiding you, I had some _stuff_ to figure out.” Regulus shrugged and bit down on the corner of his lip to keep himself from smiling. Nico grinned a little wider and looked down, spotting the book in Regulus’s lap and straighten his posture.

“Is that Romeo and Juliet? My mam loves that.” Regulus hadn’t realised before, so caught up in his own head that his ears must’ve been turned off, but Nico had a very prominent northern accent. His voice was gritty and he didn’t pronounce all of his letters fully. Regulus thought it was quite endearing.

“I got it for Christmas.” He pulled his lips into a thin line and looked back at the front cover. “I haven’t read it yet. though” 

Nico lightly pushed Regulus legs down from where they were curled up in the arch way and sat himself down next to him. He gestured to the book and Regulus nodded, letting him pick it up and watching his fingers curl around the spine.   
  


He opened the cover and felt the pages. Regulus felt like he should’ve been angry, or apprehensive to let someone else touch his book, but he felt rather relieved that he wasn’t the first person opening it. Maybe that would make it less personal when he eventually got around to reading it. Nico’s eyes flitted over the words, inspecting every inch of the book.

“This looks like a right fancy copy,” He closed it and handed it back to Regulus gently “mam had an old version, she used to read it to me when I was little.”

Regulus looked up at Nico and scanned his face. There was a faint smile on his lips and a loving glint in his eye, his eyelashes touched his cheeks when he blinked and Regulus noticed the smallest bit of stubble growing along his jaw. He was quite breathtaking. Nico returned his gaze.

“I’m halfblood, you know”

“I know”

“Do you think I could read that you sometime?” Nico’s demeanour turned from flippant and light-minded to surprisingly shy.

He picked at the end of his scarf just as the Ravenclaw had done and turned his head forwards, Nico’s eyes staying on him as he did so. He swallowed the lump in his throat and let a breath out of nose. The pool in his stomach, that he had gotten to know very well over the past couple of weeks, heated up again, leaving his legs feeling like jelly and he was suddenly very grateful to be sat down.

“Hmm, maybe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a feeling a good 89% of this book is gonna take place in the library


	14. Beautiful boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The marauders need to get better at keeping secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want more james content but i don’t wanna just drop him in there bc it feels unnatural yk what i mean??

His slender finger tips slid over the spines of the old dusty books in the Hogwarts library looking for something, anything, that will help him understand the marauders better. Unintentionally, Regulus started to observe the marauders (as if he wasn’t already) and he’d started to notice some particularly strange things about them.

Like Remus’s abundance of scars, and that he seemed to get antsy every month for a few days. Or how James often made antler jokes and trotted around like he owned the place. Or how his bother had the overall resemblance of a dog, tilting his head in confusion and being overly excited most of the time. Or how Peter was sent to do the small, prickly jobs when it came to their pranks and he often scrunched his nose up in a way that made Regulus think he would look just like a mouse if he had whiskers.

As well as their nicknames for each other. Friends had nicknames, of course Regulus knew that, Barty insisted on calling him ‘Reg’ even when the Slytherin expressed his distaste for it. But the marauders had _weird_ nicknames. Sirius- Padfoot- Remus- Moony- James- Prongs- Peter- Wormtail. It throughly perplexed Regulus why they named themselves after such different animals (what did a stag and a rat have in common?) and why Remus was the only one without an animal themed nickname.

The night before, he tossed and turned under the weight of the duvet racking his brains for a logical explanation. The bedsheet was starting to twist around him, trapping him there and clinging to him. He let out a grunt of frustration and slammed his fist down onto the mattress repeatedly. Throwing himself up into a sitting position he let his curls fall down into his eyes and squished up his features to keep himself for letting out a sob of anger.

Nothing could get under his skin like Sirius and his friends. The way his brother waltzed around the castle like he was the only one there, just a little playground for him and his friends, where his little brother was merely a passing face in the hallway. It made Regulus’s blood boil in anger and something else he couldn’t quite understand.

Gripping onto the bedsheets and biting his tongue hard enough to draw blood with tears of resentment pooling in his eyes- Regulus had a revelation. He wanted to yank back his curtains, throw the door open and run to the library. He craved knowing more about the marauders. But he would rather not be caught out of bed, so he resorted to clinging onto his covers for dear life and waiting (im)patiently for the sun to rise and his morning lessons to fly by.

Thats how he found himself in the library desperately searching for anything they had on animagi. He knew of the basic concept, obviously, a human turning into an animal. Everyone knew Professor McGonagall was an animagus- a speckled tabby cat- and everyone knew that you had to be of age and registered with the ministry to be an animagus.

At first, Regulus stopped to think that this was a ridiculous theory and he was wasting his time, but then again when had the marauders ever had any regard for the law.

Dragging four books from the shelves, he placed himself down at a table and opened the first one, flicking through the pages until he found something about animagi.

_It takes skill, practice, and patience for wizards and witches to become Animagi. The process of becoming an Animagus was long and had the potential to backfire and cause the transformation to go horribly wrong. Many witches and wizards simply feel that their time might better be employed in other ways, as the skill was of limited practical use unless one had a great need of disguise or concealment._

The last line piqued his interest. Sirius would only go through with this for one of two reasons. 1- He felt the need to flaunt his magic abilities to the rest of the student Hogwarts 2- him and his little friends were hiding something for someone. Seeing as there were no rumours or grand announcements from the marauders themselves that they were animagi, Regulus felt he could rule the first one out.

He played with his bottom lip between his thumb and index finger while he scanned the page for anymore useful information. Regulus briefly remembered two or three lessons on it in third year, but the contents of the lessons were blurry and if he was being honest, he probably wasn’t paying attention.

_Part of the process by which one became an Animagus was holding the lead of a mandrake in their mouth for an entire month, using the leaf for the creation of a potion, reciting an incantation (Amato Animo Animato Animagus) on a daily basis, and drinking the Animagus potion during a lightning storm. Once the initial training was over, an Animagus could then change at will, with or without the use of a wand._

Looking at the page in bewilderment, he wondered what on earth was so important for Sirius to endure such a tedious, and maybe even painful, process. Becoming animagi was obviously necessary, or at least important, for the marauders, but Regulus couldn’t understand why.

The thought of being an animagus conflicted Regulus. He desired the freedom an animal form would give him. Being able to run free as whatever your soul connected to. It made sense that Sirius was a dog, Regulus felt himself smile at the thought of a dog-shaped-Sirius. On the other hand, he worried his form would be disappointing or vile. That the darkness placed in him by his mother and father would taint his animal form and he wouldn’t be able to have the freedom he so desperately wanted.

_An Animagus could not choose their animal form. Rather, one became the animal which suited them best. A wizard's Animagus form may reflect their corporeal patronus. Apparently, the form one's Patronus took may have been determined by the same inner-traits as the Animagus form._

Confusion flashed in his brain- which inner traits match a stag? But he shook his head and resumed his focus on the open page. It seemed a patronus and an animagus form were usually linked. Regulus frowned, not having any happy memories to cast his patronus with and failing to cast it whenever he tried- he didn’t have any insight into what his animagus form may be. 

_Each Animagus bore an identifying mark on their animal form that was caused by some visible trait on their human body. This could be physical, like their dental structure, or acquired, like glasses._

An icy chill seeped info Regulus’s veins, making him freeze and stare at the words. In four months he would be turning 16, which meant he would be forced to receive the Dark Mark. His animagus form would be marked just like his human form. He deflated slightly at the thought of having the curse permanently etched onto every version of him. Not that there was any way he could escape it.

He closed the book, regretting looking that far into it, and slumped back in his chair. Once again pondering the marauders nicknames, he felt something click.

Remus. The only one without an animal themed name, the only one who itched at his skin and snapped uncharacteristically every month, the only one with scars on his face, hands and arms (and probably the rest of his body), the only reason Sirius would ever withstand such a long transformation process.

Remus was a werewolf. His nickname was _Moony_. His real name was _Remus Lupin_ for gods sake. Regulus cursed himself for not seeing it sooner as he pushed back his chair with a clatter and flitted his eyes over the bookshelves at a rapid speed. He pulled out a book called ‘Dark Forces: A Guide to Self Protection’, cringing at the name but flicking it open to right page.

He turned to sit back down at his table but immediately froze when he came face to face with Peter Pettigrew. The timid boy looked at the book in Regulus’s hands and his crystal blue widened almost comically. Before Regulus could speak, not that he had anything to say; he was completely lost for words with his mouth parted in alarm, Peter turned tail and fled the library leaving Regulus to sit on the edge of his chair and fidget with his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i want to write a marauders band fic but i’m too scared that if i start i’ll lose inspiration for this story


	15. Beautiful beautiful beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> potions master regulus™ and barty kind of sucks but he’s trying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love writing notes bc it feels like i’m having a conversation w u guys lmao
> 
> tw: implications of depression & unhealthy coping mechanisms

Time seemed throughly blurred after the incident in the library. Days flew by as Regulus attended his lessons and studied for tests and stared at the ceiling in his dorm room on repeat. He often found himself wishing he had a time turner; he felt like he was missing _so much_ and as his 16th birthday was getting closer he felt like he was missing huge chunks of time that he should be savouring.

Ice melted and bare branches started to grow leaves, flower buds sprouted from the once snowy grass and the students of Hogwarts roamed the grounds without their scarves. Spring set in and Regulus wanted nothing more than to stop for two seconds and not think about anything. A heavy fog clouded his mind and any time he concentrated too long on one of his many complicated thoughts his hands started to shake and his brain shut down. 

His current state hardly matched the weather, which only further depressed the raven haired boy. Most of his days were spent staring into the fire of the Slytherin common room (which he grew to appreciate in his dormant, solemn condition) with a book in his lap that he couldn’t quite focus on.

The quidditch team would drag him from the couch for practices and he would chase after the snitch just fast enough that it seemed like he was all there until Emma would end their practice and he would virtually topple off his broom and walk on autopilot to the showers and let scalding hot water hammer his skin until he was red raw and scratching violently at his arms.

Briefly, he wondered if the marauders were in any panic about the information he had about them. Part of him wished they were, that their little group was in shambles and he held the power because he knew all of their secrets. But he knew they were far smarter than most gave them credit for and they probably had a plan, or maybe Peter had simply thought Regulus was doing something else and neglected to tell Sirius, Remus and James that they should worry.

One particular morning he rose out of bed with dark purple bags under his eyes and his usually rosy lips tinted white. He felt more muddled than usual, not able to collect his thoughts or even place one foot in front of the other. Barty silently handed him his school robe, watching with pity as Regulus pathetically tugged it over his thin frame and patted his curls down with minimal effort and they exited the dormitory to get their breakfast.

It occurred to him once they reached the Great Hall that he hadn’t picked up his bag or put his tie on, in fact, he hadn’t even brushed his teeth. Contemplating whether or not he cared, he slowed to a stop making Barty stop with him.

He did care. He cared so much that he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes and his hands clenching into fists by his sides, but he lacked the energy to do anything about it. Letting out a small ‘hmph’ and trembling with upset, Barty seemed to understand and Regulus wondered how he let himself get this helpless.

“We’ll go back to the common room after breakfast yeah?”

Nodding quickly he kept his eyes firmly on his feet which were dragging along the floor in an attempt to keep up with his friend. The Great Hall was loud as always, but every voice scratched against Regulus’s brain, making him shrink in on himself. He nibbled on the overly buttery piece of toast that had been put before him and wished for the tranquility of the common room to embrace him. 

Potions was his first lesson. _Finally something he could focus on._ As the two boys trotted back to their dorm to retrieve Regulus’s things and get him in overall better shape, one more enthusiastically than the other, he let himself be lulled into the safe world of potions with set ingredients and instructions that had to be followed. Something that couldn’t be changed. 

On their way to the lesson, Regulus gripped so tight to his books that his knuckles went white and he let Barty pull him through the corridors and finally into the potions classroom. Slughorn’s rambling induced him into a lethargic state and he slumped him on himself, writing down whatever was written on the blackboard with a nudge from Barty.

“C’mon mate, help me with this.” He was snapped out of his trace when the other Slytherin boy started to shake his shoulders and point at the textbook reading _Wit-Sharpening_ _Potion_ at the top of the page. Glancing at the bubbling cauldron Regulus grimaced at the dark green liquid.

“You need to remix the armadillo bile, it should be yellow not green.” 

Barty smiled wide as he followed Regulus’s instructions and the liquid in the cauldron turned from deep green to bright yellow. It entranced him to watch the potion turn from yellow to lime green then to purple as Barty followed the rest of the instructions without another slip up. He clapped his hands together in triumph when the potion stayed purple, not blowing up or bubbling unusually.

“Brilliant! You don’t need any of this do you Reg!” He groaned at the name but flashed Barty a smile to entertain him. Admittedly, he enjoyed being praised for his potions ability. Slughorn pranced around the classroom telling a mind numbing story before he stopped in front of the boy’s cauldron and patted them both on the back heavy handedly making Regulus cringe at the contact.

They gathered their things and left the classroom- Regulus longed for his favourite subject to put him in a better mood, and it usually did, but the weird fog was still there and he still felt empty and unfocused- and Barty threw and arm around his neck, chatting away about how he’d never be able to pass potions without him.

“Don’t I know it” Regulus muttered, eyes glazed over and arms sagging under the weight of his books, before they started up the stairs from the dungeons to their charms lesson. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why did i turn barty into a nice person :| why do i do this to myself now i’m emotionally invested in him
> 
> sorry if this chapter seems like a filler?? i just really want to portray his mental state properly bc my boy is going tHROUGH it rn


	16. Beautiful boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s march, nico pops up again (he’s very good at that) and romeo and juliet has a deeper meaning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m back in school!! sort of...
> 
> we’re doing online lessons but at least it will give me some sort of posting schedule now lol

He’d opted to carry his copy of _Romeo and Juliet_ everywhere with him now, hoping that one day he would feel spontaneous enough to pull it out of his bag and start reading it but whenever he did one of the marauders would saunter by as if they wanted him to put it back away, they enjoyed seeing his distress as he hastily tucked the book back into its hiding place.

One particular breezy spring evening, Regulus sat on a grassy hill facing the black lake letting the wind rake through his curls and staring- squinting, really- and the pink sky as the sun started to set. He should be heading back to castle, getting caught out of bed wasn't on the top of his priority list today, but it was peaceful outside and he liked the contrast of the warm glowing sun to the dark, mildly unsettling common room. 

His book sat in front of him on the grass, untouched of course, looking as pristine as the day he first got it. It was taunting him, he thought he had half a mind to chuck it in the black lake so he never had to look at it again but the idea of Sirius caring enough to get him a muggle book for Christmas- despite him being too cowardly to read it- made him cling onto it.

The water rippled calmly under the rose hue of the sky and Regulus let out a sigh. He was by himself, like he was most of the time, but with the distant sound of chirping coming from the trees around him and the smell of freshly cut grass, he didn’t feel so lonely. He lay back and let his growing hair splay across the ground, staring up above him and humming a tune to a muggle song he couldn’t quite remember.

Suddenly, a mop of dark brown hair and a pearly white smile entered his line of sight. Regulus squinted and propped himself up on his elbows, staring at the boy above him who hand his hands in his pockets and a delicate silver chain dangling from his neck. Nico looked down at him for a second longer, sitting down next to Regulus with a thump. Both boys stayed silent just looking at each other- Regulus still resting on his elbows and Nico sat with his knees pulled up to his chest.

“Hi”

“Hey”

Regulus cocked his head to the side and bit the inside of his cheek. Nico reached out, brushing the other boy’s now messy curls out of his eyes and hooking one of the strands behind his ear. Their gaze broke and Nico’s eyes found _Romeo and Juliet_ at Regulus’s feet, he leant forward- leaning over his knees and making his faded orange t-shirt ride up his back revealing bronzed skin that Regulus definitely didn’t want to think about.

“Think you’d take me up on that offer to read this?” The _to you_ went unspoken. Nico looked back up, his fingers still clasping the book but hesitating to open it- waiting for Regulus’s answer. Regulus pushed himself up, leaning on the palms of his hands now, he looked off to the lake thinking about it for a second. The Ravenclaw’s eyes stayed on him, taking over his hair, his jaw, his neck. Regulus felt _seen_ to say the least.

“Yeah. I think I would.”

So Nico started to read. It turns out Shakespeare was really old, Regulus had a mildly difficult time deciphering the meaning of some of the lines and Nico had a mildly difficult reading them out to him especially when his broad geordie accent emphasised the mispronunciations.

Regulus lay back in the grass again, letting Nico’s words flow through his ears. The sun drew behind the clouds and stooped lower in the sky but the boys stayed by the lake, only an inch away from each other, legs threatening to brush together. When Nico finally closed the book he let out a breath and shuffled himself around so he was lying next to Regulus. They both lay on their backs with their limbs stretched out in the grass, but their heads turned towards each other and their eyes found each other in the dim light.

“I blame Romeo,” Nico said “he could’ve waited, y’know, if you love someone you hold out hope that maybe they aren’t gone. But he rushed everything and didn’t even think twice about it. His death lead to another one, so two people who could’ve been happy together both kicked the bucket.”

The Slytherin furrowed his eyebrows in thought, making a humming noise of partial agreement. Nico turned onto his side and placed his hand on his cheek to hold his head up then looked at Regulus for his input.

“I think they were both so desperately clinging to each other because they have no sense of identity due to the limits placed on them and their lives by their parents. It wasn’t really love, infatuation maybe- with each other and the rebellion it brought, but the feeling of having something their parents didn’t know about drove them both so crazy that they risked their lives for nothing. It’s not a tragedy because of how in love they were it’s because they’re both so naive and clueless that it killed them. He wasn’t writing about a deep love between two kids who knew nothing about each other, he was mocking it and how dangerous it was.”

There was a prolonged silence before Nico’s signature grin landed back on his face, though this time something was concealed behind it. Regulus pulled himself up into the same position as the boy opposite him and Nico watched his every move as he did.

“What?”

“You’re cute when you’re passionate about something.”

Regulus shoved his shoulder but laughed none the less. They smiled at each other, more shy this time, each nervous to make any sudden movements incase everything came crashing down around them and they noticed the closeness of their faces.

“Shove off Bagshot.”

“Back to last names are we?”

“Did we ever _move_ from last names?”

They laughed in unison, Regulus’s becoming more of a giggle and Nico’s coming from deep in his chest, but their shoulders shook all the same. It didn’t even occur to him that he’d finally read the book after three months of staring at it hopelessly (well maybe he didn’t actually read it, but they were just technicalities) or that he wasn’t imagining circular spectacles on the chocolate haired boy in front of him anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE ENDGAME OF THIS FIC WILL BE JEGULUS i just want regulus to know what love is 
> 
> also i posted a wolfstar oneshot go read it if u want :)


	17. Out on the ocean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> regulus gets a hair cut and it’s big bad wolf time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ve been binge watching mock the week and avoiding all the important things like writing this fucking book :D 
> 
> anyways i’ve kind of fucked up the timeline somewhere along the way but it’s like mid march??? maybe who knows anymore

Standing in the bathroom mirror, Regulus ran his hands through his hair repeatedly, flattening it down in frustration. His hair had gotten ridiculously long since his last hair cut was back in September and was curling in every direction. It parted just off centre, each strand long enough to touch the tip of his nose. He huffed and his lips curled into a frown as he pulled at one of his curls, watching it stretch to reach the corner of his mouth.

The door swung open and Barty walked in, pyjamas ruffled and rubbing at his eyes groggily, he nodded at Regulus and walked to the sink to pick up his toothbrush, too out of it to notice Regulus’s upset at his hair. The stood in the mirror next to each other, Barty with toothpaste at the corners of his mouth and his hair sticking up at every angle.

“Hmmhmmph” Barty mumbled, gargling and making his words completely unrecognisable. Regulus, who realised he was two inches taller than Barty, furrowed his eyebrows in confusion making him roll his eyes and hold up his hand until he spat his toothpaste in the sink. The taller boy placed his hands on his hips waiting in exasperation for him to finish.

“I _said_ you need a haircut.”

“oh no shit.”

Barty shoved Regulus in the side, driving the side of his hand into his torso making him squeal. Regulus jumped back and shot a deathly glare at Barty, the other boy throwing his head back to cackle loudly.

“I was suggesting that I do it for you, you insufferable prick.”

He stilled at the proposition and his hand flew back up to the base of his neck, fiddling with the hair at the base of his neck again. Feeling the heat rise up to his ears, turning the tips of them pink, he thought over the notion of Barty cutting his hair. Firstly, since when did Barty know how to do that? Secondly, was he joking? He knew Barty had a very weird line which he considered ‘crossing boundaries’, apparently cutting his hair didn’t cross that line.

The confusion must’ve been evident on his face because Barty walked up to Regulus and pulled on one of his curls, biting down on his tongue in concentration as he fiddled with the boy’s hair. Regulus kept very still under Barty’s scrutiny and waited patiently for him to step back.

“It’ll look fine, I cut my own hair don’t worry.”

Blinking, he studied Barty’s hair. It didn’t look _bad_ , in fact, it looked rather average. it was short on the sides and slightly longer on the top, it wasn’t scraggly or uneven and it suited his head quite well. Overall, Barty looked boring. Which he supposed was quite on brand. Tilting his head to the side he gave him one last sceptical glance and Barty huffed.

“Fine then, look like your brother for all I care.” Barty’s usual sneer made its way back into his voice and Regulus visibly paled at the mention of looking like Sirius.

“Okay okay! Cut it, you dickhead” Regulus groaned making Barty smirk.

“That’s no way to talk to someone with a knife, Reg.” He furrowed his eyebrows as Barty ran back into their dormitory, obviously to fetch a knife, not even surprised that he kept a knife in his sleeping area. Perching himself on the edge on the sink he waited for him to come back, absentmindedly running his hands through his locks again. Barty came back with a small red pocket knife, the blade oddly sharp, and situated himself at Regulus’s side pulling a strand of hair and starting to shave away at the sides with the silver blade. Regulus watched, entranced as the tufts of raven hair made their way to the floor. 

“Who cuts hair with a knife?” He asked, careful not to move his head incase Barty slipped and accidentally scalped him.

“The noise of the scissors freak me out,” Barty said, “and I wouldn’t let father come near me with a 10 foot pole since he insists on using _diffindo_ to cut his hair.” He chuckled to himself and Regulus widened his eyes at the honest answer, expecting a shrug or a stupid remark.

He let Barty work in peace for what seemed like hours. It look a lot longer to shear hair with a pocket knife than it did to trim it with scissors- Regulus’s neck was growing stiff, still scared to move it incase Barty took his ear off- but he seemed to be doing a precise job which meant he had nothing to complain about. His black hair was collecting on the cold floor at his feet and Regulus flicked his eyes down to stare down.

All of a sudden, Barty spun him around violent, making Regulus let out a surprised shout. They stood in front of the mirror with Barty’s hands on Regulus’s shoulders as he leant forward to expect his hair in the mirror. It was long enough to curl slightly but short enough that it was out of his eyes and his ears were visible. His hair had volume it didn’t usually have and a definite part on the left side of his head.

A smile formed on his lips and his eyes crinkled in the corners, running his fingers through his hair. Barty patted him on the back and grinned back him before turning around to leave the bathroom.

“Thanks mate.” He shouted after him, still inspecting his haircut with a reluctant smile on his face.

-

The sun sat high in the sky but a strong wind blew through the air, chilling Regulus to the core as he dashed through the courtyard. After his haircut that morning, it had dawned on him that the full moon was looming over them; he kept a lunar chart hidden in his trunk ever since he discovered Remus’s little problem. He had the chart mostly memorised by now, keeping an eye on the marauders as it got closer to the full moon.

He strode through the courtyard searching for the group of four, battling with himself that this was a _terrible, horrific, poorly planned, ridiculous idea._ Part of him hoped he never found his brother and his friends, he could give up and head back to his dorm where he could worry in peace for the rest of the night. But the other part of him that wished to keep his brother (and subsequently James, Remus and Peter since Sirius considered them ‘family’) as safe as possible made him keep looking.

Spotting the long, shiny, black mop of hair leaning against one of the large stone archways leading into the castle, his legs sped up tremendously.

“Sirius!” He called, watching with apprehension as his brother’s eyes went comically wide and his head snapped to face Regulus.

“Regulus- what-”

As he came to a stop in front of Sirius he heaved, breathing in as much air as possible. Noticing the other three boys watching him with curiosity and the cynical look on Sirius’s face, Regulus immediately regretted his decision. He shrunk in on himself and took a shaky step backwards to put a comfortable distance between them.

“I know,” he fiddled with the ends of his robes not looking in any of the four directions, “I know, and it was pretty easy to figure out actually, but I just— I won’t tell anyone, I know what day it is but I wantyoualltobesafe.”

He spat the last bit out quickly, joining all his words together and stumbling over them like a toddler. Looking up at the various expressions of horror and panic that crossed their faces made him take two more huge steps backwards, then he turned around and started to run. 

A hand latched onto his robe and he looked back at his brother who’s face was completely unreadable. Regulus tried to slow his breaths and his palms became clammy, ready for Sirius to lash out at him or hex him mercilessly or, better yet, punch him square in the jaw. _God this was a dreadful idea._ Grey eyes stared into each other intensely and Regulus was waiting to wake up from whatever horrible nightmare this was.

“You won’t say a thing?” There was an unrecognisable tremble in his voice, Regulus hadn’t even heard it during his many spats with Walburga.

“ _No._ I just want you to stay _alive._ ”

Sirius dropped his hand as if he’d been burned and looked deeper in Regulus’s eyes for any sign of untruth. He went to reposition his hand on the Slytherin’s cloaked shoulder but Regulus moved away and Sirius let his hand drop.

“Yeah, Reggie, we’ll stay alive.”

No one had called him Reggie in years. They blinked at each other once more before Regulus backed away and retreated back to the common room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my sister won’t get her hair cut because she’s terrified of the noise of the scissors so that’s where Barty’s whole thing with the knife came from
> 
> also i like to think barty is sort of becoming a brother to regulus like james is for sirius


	18. Sailing away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lilith and nico find regulus sulking in the library (like he usually does)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lilith is back guys!! i missed her :)
> 
> sorry if this chapter doesn’t seem very long i tried

The sun rose on a particularly chilly Sunday morning, the full moon only a memory in the sky and Regulus found himself in a heap in the library- knees pulled up to his chest and eyes fluttering closed. His nights sleep had been difficult, the only thing on his mind was the full moon and if Sirius got through it unscathed, so as soon as the daytime arrived Regulus trudged to the library to sit in one of the window seats in peace.

It was practically deserted during the morning apart from aloof seventh years who were studying frenziedly for their NEWTs and Regulus found that the silence resting over the library made it even harder to concentrate on anything other than the marauders. He buried his head between his knees and groaned, his now short hair falling over his forehead. 

A light tap on his shoulder made his head snap up and spin around, almost losing his balance and tumbling off the ledge. He grabbed a hold of the wall and stabilised himself before looking up at a blur of strawberry blond hair. Lilith stood patiently next to him with one hand behind her back and the others holding two slices of toast in a napkin. Her lips were pulled into a small smile and her hair was neatly tugged back into a pony tail, a few small pieces framing the sides of her faith.

“Lilith?” He asked, confusion evident on his face.

“Hi, I saw you weren’t at breakfast so I thought I’d bring you something.” 

“How did you know where I was?” She looked down sheepishly and pushed the slices of toast forward into his hands which he accepted. “You’re always here.”

Regulus cocked his head and looked down at the toast, it was overly buttered and slightly burnt- just how he liked it. He grinned at Lilith and she grinned back, taking his smile as an invitation to sit in the chair just next to the window sill. She pulled a quill and a small piece of parchment from her robes and started to doodle mindlessly, humming quietly as she did so. He bit into the toast and leant his head back against the wall, Lilith’s humming (though slightly out of key) filling the silence that plagued his mind.

It was starting to get brighter outside and the library was filling up, not much due to it being a Sunday but enough to make Regulus feel ridiculous sitting on the ledge and staring longingly out of the window so he hopped down and walked over to the bookshelves, Lilith’s eyes following him as he did. 

Scanning the shelves, he found a potions book and extracted it from its place with nimble fingers. He flicked through the pages quickly to make sure he hadn’t read it before and moved to sit down opposite the third year. They both stayed focused on their own tasks, keeping to themselves and only exchanging words when Lilith brought out a bar of fudge from one of her pockets- offering Regulus a piece with a smile on her face and her words mumbled because of the fudge in her mouth.

He enjoyed the tranquillity of it all, it was mundane and not many teenagers idea of a fun time but Lilith seemed perfectly happy to accompany him with nothing but a quill and some food. The thought that maybe this was what siblings did together made his heart do a funny flip, confused as to whether that was because he longed for Sirius to be sat opposite him or because he’d found a new little sister.

Another hand landed on his shoulder and he jumped, startling Lilith who looked up behind him. Regulus spun around to see Nico, hair tousled and mischievous eyes tilted down to him. He grumbled, murmuring under his breath about people scaring him and making Nico chuckle. Lilith watched the two diffidently, flicking her eyes between Nico’s hand on Regulus’s shoulder and Regulus’s playful glare.

“Hiya Black.” He kicked out a chair and threw himself into it carelessly, letting his maroon zip-up hoodie fall open, revealing the black t-shirt underneath with the word ‘ _ABBA_ ’ splayed across the front in bold, gold lettering. Lilith looked mesmerised, staring at his muggle clothes as if she’d just seen a unicorn for the first time. Being pure bloods they didn’t have muggle clothes of their own; robes, cloaks and other elaborate garments being the only things hanging in their wardrobe.

“Morning Bagshot,” Regulus closed his book and leant forward onto his palm, looking at Nico with a smirk on his face “stalking me now are you?”

The scandalised look on Nico’s face made Regulus chuckle and reach out with his empty hand to grab onto the sleeve of his hoodie and pull his hand forward, rubbing the fabric between his fingers and biting on the inside of his cheek. Nico rested his hand on the table and looked down at where Regulus was playing with his cuff. He looked across the table at Lilith who had abandoned her piece of parchment and was staring at the boys with wide eyes.

“I’m Nico.”

“I’m Lilith.”

They smiled at each other and the Ravenclaw boy looked back at the Slytherin in front of him. He narrowed his eyes at Regulus’s hair and lifted the other boy’s chin up with his index finger. Regulus felt his cheeks heat up quickly at Nico’s intense stare.

“You got a haircut.”  
  


Regulus nodded, wordings failing him. A giggle could be heard from beside them and he pulled his head back out of Nico’s grip, subconsciously patting his hair down on his head. The redness of his cheeks only got brighter as Lilith tried but failed to hide her amusement. Nico only leant back casually in his chair, smirking at Regulus with his usual confident aura.

Behind the trio, Sirius watched from behind a bookcase, mouth hung open in shock and his long hair falling in his face. The sight of his brother laughing with a small third year and a half-blood Ravenclaw (one who he thought looked weirdly similar to James, in an odd way) made his stomach clench in anger and regret.

He turned away from the group, crossing his arm and stomping back to the hospital wing, seeking refuge in Remus who would listen to his babble about Regulus endlessly, despite being worn out and mildly scratched up from the night before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> regulus and sirius are hopefully on their way to mending their relationship and this is where james comes into play ;)
> 
> burnt toast is the best way to have it


	19. I can hardly wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there is a much needed conversation to be had

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know realistically this story isn’t gonna get to where i want it to by the time i run out of lyrics for the chapter titles so who knows you might be in store for a second book
> 
> side note for any non-brits: holding up two fingers (backward peace sign basically) in the uk usually means fuck you

Celebrating Gryffindor’s loss to the Hufflepuffs was how the Slytherin common room was spending its evening. Regulus thought it was quite pathetic, seeing the rest of his house jump around in glee to tasteless music for a match they _didn’t even play in._ Barty had one arm resting on the back of the velvet green couch and the other holding a half empty cup of fire whiskey, leaning into a poised 6th year who looked thoroughly unimpressed with his drunken state.

In all honesty, Regulus was happy Gryffindor lost the match. He got see James’s dejected expression and he touched down to the ground when it was over, and he got to admire the Hufflepuff seeker on his broom as he leant forward with an outstretched hand to catch the snitch (he was rather fit, in Regulus’s opinion). But the celebrations were a bit over the top.

He rolled his eyes at his dorm mate and stood up, manoeuvring his way through the common room in exasperation and out of the portrait hole. It wasn’t even dinner time and the party was already in full swing. Going down to the great hall would be embarrassing, the Slytherin table would only be full of 1st-4th years and maybe a few stragglers from the older years and Regulus didn’t particularly want to spend his evening listening to petty drama from the younger years. However, his stomach grumbled in protest so he marched indignantly to get his dinner.

Walking to the great hall was quiet left Regulus to think about the past three weeks. After the full moon he made himself as busy as possible, spending all of his spare time studying or flying and never doing it alone so he didn’t have to be by himself with his thoughts. Nico called him crazy, Barty called him obsessive and Lilith just called him ‘dedicated to his studies’; deep down he knew the boys were right but he appreciated Lilith’s reassurance.

The feeling of disappointment radiating from the Gryffindor table had taken over the hall, everyone talking in hushed tones with dejected looks on their faces. Half of the Hufflepuffs were missing and the rest were silently buzzing, too polite to be enthusiastic about their win while the Gryffindors were there. 

Regulus spotted the marauders instantly, shoulders slumped and faces of steel. James looked particularly upset after being beaten to the snitch, and other boys were obviously feeling sorry for him, Lily looked rather pleased at James’s silence but she was obviously displeased at her teams loss. Mary Macdonald was filing her nails angrily next to Peter who looked miffed, staring daggers into the giddy Hufflepuff’s backs. He chuckled under his breath and searched the Ravenclaw table for Nico, so he wouldn’t be sat by himself.

He kept his head down as he wandered over the blue table, most of the students not even giving him second glances since there were already Slytherins sat there talking to their Ravenclaw friends. He sat down next to the brown haired boy, not even announcing his presence. Nico didn’t move his head or even say hi, just passed him a plate of lasagne and kept on eating. 

They ate in silence, sitting close together- legs pressed against each other and arms hesitating to hold onto each other but crammed together all the same. The tension in the atmosphere from the match was deafening, but Regulus was nervous for a whole other reason. Nico had never addressed their evening spent reading _Romeo and Juliet_ or their day in the library with Lilith and Regulus was happy to never bring it up if he didn’t have to.

“Black, you got a minute?” Regulus snapped his head up to see Remus stood in front him, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He raised an eyebrow, feeling Nico’s eyes on him from the side.

“Depends what for.”

“Just come with me.” 

Remus huffed, turning to walk away, and Nico stifled a laugh beside him. He turned to the boy beside him and glared, shoving his shoulder harshly. Nico grabbed onto the bench to steady himself and laughed harder.

“Go on then Black, run along.”

As he stood up and hurried to catch up with Remus, Regulus turned back and held up two fingers sticking his tongue out at Nico who did it right back, putting a smile on Regulus’s face. The marauders were waiting awkwardly outside of the great hall, leaning against the stone wall and kicking their heels at the floor. Regulus’s smile immediately turned into a frown and he crossed his arms, waiting for one of them to speak.

“We know you... _know_ ” James’s started, hesitating to say any more. He brought a hand up to scratch the back of his neck and Regulus rolled his eyes. In the past three weeks he hadn’t mentioned a word about werewolves to anyone, there was a small stabbing pain in his heart at the fact they didn’t trust him (though he supposed they didn’t have a reason to).

“I’m not going to say anything if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“You’re not scared?”

The boys looked confused and Regulus paused to think for a moment. Ever since Sirius came back from his first year and dragged Regulus up to his room, chattering on about a scrawny boy with odd scars on his face and old muggle clothes, he’d never seen him as _scary._ Now that he knew Remus was a magical creature with an XXXXX classification, he didn’t know whether to be scared or not.

“I don’t think so?” It was more of a question than an answer and the marauders all tipped their heads to the side. “You’re still Remus Lupin, I just don’t want you to rip my brother’s head off.”

Everyone stood in silence and Regulus drew his lips into a thin line, slightly frustrated that they pulled him away from Nico to discuss something he assumed they already knew. 

“If anyone ever needed patching up or anything I know healing spells, but this doesn’t make us ‘friends’,” he added quickly, “and for the record I think you’re all idiots for becoming unregistered animagi and running around the forest with a werewolf.”

He smirked at their offended expressions, Sirius and James spluttering at his remark. Remus laughed behind his hand along with Peter who seemed to be enjoying James and Sirius exasperation. The boys started laughing at each other and Regulus suddenly felt very out of his comfort zone, subconsciously fiddling with the sleeve of his robes. Stepping backwards he turned to walk back into the great hall, seeing Nico waiting for him by the Ravenclaw table.

“Hey Regulus wait!” Sirius called out to him and he stopped walking and looked at him anxiously.

“Thanks, honest” 

They shared a small smile and Regulus quickly looked down to the floor, still picking at his sleeves. The boys stared laughing at each other again, falling back into their marauders banter that the rest of the school was so well acquainted with.

Before entering the hall once more, Regulus turned back to James and grinned- never passing up the chance to make fun of James Potter.

“Always knew you were a shit seeker, Potter, couldn’t even beat Hufflepuff.”

The scandalised look on James’s face was worth it and Regulus grinned, striding back into the hall where he was greeted by Nico humming an ABBA song and leaving the marauders falling about in shock and laughter at the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope this isn’t moving too fast?? please leave any constructive criticism you feel would be useful!!!


	20. To see you come of age

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nico teaches regulus about muggle music and barty has questionable morals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// homophobic language + blood prejudices (is that a tw?? it is now)
> 
> IK I MADE BARTY A NICE PERSON SO FAR but in the end he’s a death eater.... sorry guys  
> part of me wants to give him a redemption arc but idk if that would even work
> 
> also i would like to thank my beta now! she’s super kind and helped me w this chapter!!! her user is bowlcutaem :)

Sat next to each other in History of Magic, Regulus watched as Nico doodled absentmindedly on the back of his hand in black ink. His quill was snapped in half, the top half of the feather missing, Nico never seemed to care if his equipment was missing or in disarray. The Slytherin rested his face in his palm, elbow propped up on the table. History of Magic was by far the most boring lesson but looking at Nico with his tongue stuck out between his lips and furrowing his eyebrows in concentration made it tolerable.

There was a cluster of stars collecting on the back of his hand, some of them smudging due to the ink. Nico spent most of his time drawing little stars everywhere he could- the corners of his homework parchment, the pockets of his tight bell bottom jeans, his skin, and the weird muggle notebooks he carries with ring binders and small blue lines.

“What’s with the stars?” He whispered, keeping his voice down so Professor Binns wouldn’t hear him (but he was more worried about the Slytherins surrounding him than anything else).

Nico turned his head and grinned at Regulus, lips turning up at the corners in a way that only he could. 

“You’re named after a star,” he said nonchalantly, turning back to concentrate on the stars on his hand.

He said it so simply that Regulus felt his throat tighten and his eyes widen. His mouth fell open slightly, lost for words. Nico looked up again from the corner of his eyes and chuckled at Regulus’s taken back state which made him huff and knock into the Ravenclaw’s shoulder, muttering oops cheekily. The quill in his hand wobbled making some of the ink fly around and drop onto the other stars.

“My stars!” Gasping, he kept his voice to a whisper but still hissing in Regulus’s direction. Some of the people sat around them turned to stare at the commotion, rolling their eyes at the boys who were giggling at each other.

“I’m your star.” Regulus grinned, not sure where the confidence came from.

“Hmm,” he hummed “I guess you are.”

A sudden blush rose to Regulus’s cheeks and he slumped backwards, biting down on his lip. They went quiet for the rest of the lesson, Nico filling the silence with light murmurs of ABBA songs. Regulus listened to him intently, resting his head in his hands and tapping the table in time with him. As Professor Binns droned on, Regulus almost felt himself slipping into a state of sleep, his empty piece of parchment and the notes on the chalkboard completely forgotten.

He was startled out of his lethargic state by a hand shaking his shoulder. He groaned and looked up, throwing his head back over his chair to stare up at Nico. 

“C’mon then, lunch next.” Regulus resisted the urge to reach behind him and grab Nico’s hand, instead he let out a long sigh and pushing himself up from his chair. Barty had already left the classroom, which he was secretly glad about, so he brushed his curls away from his forehead and followed Nico’s bustling robes out of the room.

They walked slowly through the hallways, gangs of first years who were still nervous to be late to their lessons despite more than half of the school year being over pushing and shoving them in every direction. Just as they reached the great hall, Nico tugged on the ends of his robes and pulled him right past it and along the first floor corridor. He squawked as he was dragged through the clusters of students who all seemed to be heading in the opposite direction as them.

Nico ignored him, keeping his head forward and almost shoving him over the bannister on the moving staircases and pulling even harder on his robes when Regulus dug his heels into the floor- complaining about needing his lunch. They found themselves at the bottom of the Ravenclaw tower, looking up at the spiralling steps.

“Oh fuck that.” Regulus breathed, already feeling out of breath from the brisk walk to the tower. “I’m not even allowed up there!”

“Just wait here you prick, I’ll be back.”

With that, Nico dashed up the stairs at lightning speed and Regulus raised an eyebrow in curiosity. There were a few Ravenclaw’s hanging around the bottom steps of the tower but none of them paid him any mind as he leant against the stone walls of the tower. That’s what Regulus liked best about the Ravenclaw’s, they minded their own business and they usually kept an open mind about the Slytherins (which the other houses did not).

He waited impatiently at the bottom of the stairs, glancing up every few moments and hoping to see Nico’s mop of dark brown hair running back down so he could go and get his lunch finally. He fiddled with the strap of his bag until there was a fluffy of footsteps pounding heavily into the stone and suddenly Nico was in front of him, bright eyes and a toothy smile adorning his face.

In his hands he clasped what Regulus assumed was a record. The cover had four people on it, all with fluffy hair and funky shirts with patterns on them. They were obviously muggles and Regulus thought back to the muggle records his cousin Andromeda and Sirius had started collecting- much to Walburga’s displeasure. The words ‘ABBA: greatest hits’ was written in block letters across the top just like the t-shirt Nico had worn in the library.

“You wizards and your shitty music,” He said, pushing the record into Regulus’s hands “This is the best record you will ever hear in your entire life.”

Regulus giggled at his enthusiasm and accepted the record, eyes scanning the front before he turned it over and ran his hand over the picture on the back. This picture was bigger, showing them in full length; the girls dressed in knee high heeled boots and patterned leopard mid-thigh-length dresses with their hair layered and styled, the boys weren’t as fancy- red jumpers and grey trainers, but their jeans looked just like Nico’s.

He placed it carefully into his bag and Nico smiled widely at him, eyes crinkling at the corners. They stood staring at each other for a brief moment before Regulus took a cautious step back, putting some distance between them.

“Are you sure you want me to have it?” He asked, placing a hand on his bag, ready to take it out incase Nico decided he wanted it back but the other boy just nodded his head and started walking back to the great hall.

-

The peaceful silence over the dorm room was broken abruptly as Barty flung the door open. He strutted in, throwing his bag onto his bed from across the room and leaning onto the bedposts at the bottom of Regulus’s bed, practically hanging off them.

“Reg! I wanted to talk to you!” He exclaimed with a predatory expression on his face, eyebrows twisted and mouth pulled into a shark-like smirk.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Regulus drawled, shoving the record further under his pillow so that any evidence of muggle items were put of Barty’s ravening sight. Sitting with his legs crossed and his shirt crumpled from lazing on his bed, he felt rather vulnerable to whatever attack Barty was about to launch on him.

“That Ravenclaw you hang around with,” Regulus nodded slowly “Has he said anything to you?”

“What do you mean?” 

Barty sighed, letting a breath out of his nose and slumping his body in exaggeration as if that would communicate his point any better.

“Well, you know he’s a half blood,” he widened his eyes in fear at Barty’s words, which the boy took for confusion, “You did know that, right?” Regulus shook his head animatedly, starting to see where the conversation was headed. Of course he knew Nico was a half blood, he was actually rather jealous of the freedom Nico got to have with his muggle clothes and music.

“That dirty bastard! Should’ve known he would’ve tried to manipulate you, he is a poof after all. An impure one at that.” Barty cried.

Regulus’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach and he swallowed loudly, immediately turning away to look at the bedsheets, his hair falling into his face and hiding him from the boy stood in front of him.

“You didn’t know he was a queer either?” Barty asked, running a hand over his face in exasperation and disbelief. Regulus gave a small shake of his head, the one where he didn’t explicitly know but he had an idea. God, what would Barty say about him if he knew what went on in Regulus’s head? A heavy hand landed on the top of his head and violently ruffled his hair. Regulus scrunched his face up and placed his hands either side of himself so Barty didn’t send him flying off the bed.

“It’s a good job I’m here to look out for you then.” Barty grinned once more before making his way over his own bed and throwing off his Slytherin robe, flinging it into a random corner of the room.

“Yeah” he mumbled, falling backwards into the bed and letting his hair splay out on the pillows. While Barty was busy with his tie Regulus felt a tear slip out of the corner of his eye and roll over his cheek onto the pillow. He bit harshly down on his lip to suppress a sob that was trying to escape and ignored how dirty. the record under his pillow was making him feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw it’s like the start of may... just so u know
> 
> i’m not an abba stan i promise but the description of the record was based off one of the records i own and my mum loves abba so that’s why i’ve made nico into an abba fanatic


	21. But I guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> snape uses sectumsempra and regulus can’t catch a break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took a while!!! it’s gonna be a long one
> 
> thank u to my lovely beta for correcting all my stupid grammar mistakes

The next few weeks were spent alone for Regulus. He thought he may as well have been in solitary confinement- he spent his mealtimes by himself or sat in silence next to Barty, he skipped out on his History of Magic lessons to avoid Nico (who was trying to catch him at any possible moment, but Regulus was slippery and never managed to be caught), and wasted most of his time sat on his bed, with the curtains drawn and heavy silencing charms, crying or staring off into space oblivious to the world around him.

  
  


Fifth year was creeping to an end and summer was setting in, though the bright shining sun and the cheerful atmosphere around the castle that was brought by the warm weather didn’t match the crushing weight of the dark mark resting on Regulus’s shoulders. However, he didn’t seem to be the only person with low spirits. Snape- and the rest of Slytherin house- were becoming increasingly impatient and angry. He could see the way Snape ground his teeth around the marauders, clutching his forearm and muttering nonsense about how ‘ _blood traitors and half breeds will be brought to justice_ ’. 

  
  


With all the pure-blood Slytherin drivel echoing in the corridors, Snape walking around like he was going to snap and wreak havoc at any moment and with the feeling of a certain set of dark brown eyes boring into his skull, Regulus felt backed into a very small corner. 

  
  


He was in no way responsible for Severus, but every time the greasy-haired boy stalked over to the marauders ready to start a fight (that he was completely outmatched for) Regulus couldn’t stop himself. It was exactly the same every time: Snape would stomp over to the four boys, shout something offensive that immediately got a rise out of either James or Sirius, Remus would jump in to try and diffuse the tension while Peter floundered uselessly, Snape would accuse Remus of wild things and finally, Regulus would call Snape away sternly or discreetly send a hex his way that had him running in the opposite direction.

  
  


Despite his stupidity, Snape was like a badly behaved dog who couldn’t do anything but bark. When he wasn’t annoying Regulus with his idiocy, he was acting rather Gryffindor-like though he wouldn’t say that to him unless he wanted to be cursed, he was hunched over his battered potions book scribbling away like there was no tomorrow.

  
  


Previous distractions had made Regulus forget how much of a menace the older boy actually was. He had a bright mind that was blinded by hatred and was a very loyal sheep, latching onto anyone who could’ve been his shepherd. He praised Lily Evans and slandered muggle borns in the same breath, Regulus found himself dizzy trying to keep track of his mood swings.

  
  


On a light Wednesday evening at the end of May, the sun refusing to set even though it was nearing eight o’clock, Regulus sat next to Lilith in the Slytherin common room while they both worked on their essays in haste. When he looked up at her, Lilith was frowning at her parchment which was empty apart from the words _Anecdote to Common Poisons_ written at the top. He reached over her to grab at the pile of books on her left side and pulled one from the bottom, flipping to a page with the potion on and handing it back to her.

  
  


She accepted it with a bashful smile and dipped her quill in ink, getting started on the essay. As Regulus was about to turn back to his half finished arithmancy homework he saw a streak of shiny black hair slipping from the common room. He rolled his eyes immediately and placed his quill down.

  
  


“I’ll be right back,” he muttered to Lilith, not bothering to check if she heard him before following Snape through the portrait.

  
  


The tall boy was hurrying along the corridor with his prized potions book clutched to his chest, his hair weirdly still considering the pace he was moving at. Regulus had to run to catch up with him, putting his seeker agility to work. Not stopping to think about why he felt the need to oversee Snape’s actions, he focused on the intense foreboding feeling in his stomach that Snape was going to do something he shouldn’t.

  
  


If Snape heard the patter of his footsteps behind him he didn’t show it. Whatever he was going to do must’ve been important- if the urgency in his steps was anything to go by. Regulus tailed him to the courtyard and the sun was finally starting to set, making the sky go a blazing red colour and tinting the clouds pink. He didn’t make his presence known in case Snape decided to pull something funny, opting to stay close to the walls and out of the boy’s line of sight.

  
  


It couldn’t be that he was leading Regulus into a trap- he simply had no reason to- if anything Snape was leading himself into a trap, given how often he antagonised the other Slytherins. He sat himself down by the fountain and tapped his foot anxiously on the cobbles, opening his book and reading the same page over and over again. 

  
  


Regulus heard distant footsteps and sighed frustratedly. It was getting closer to curfew and getting caught out of bed was not on Regulus’s to-do list. He stepped forwards towards Snape, making himself known, his eyes darted up from his book but any shock in his face was concealed by his excessive amount of hair that was down to his shoulders. It was as long as Sirius’s but much less cared for- it looked more like a birds nest than Sirius’s long luscious lock.

  
  


“What are you doing here?” Snape shouted. Regulus threw his hands out to quieten him down, fully aware that filch would be making his rounds soon, along with the prefects. 

  
  


“What are _you_ doing here?” He stressed, pointing an accusing finger at him and then to the book in his hand. “And why do you have _that_?”

  
  


“That’s none of your business, Black.” The sneer evident in his voice made Regulus’s blood boil. Snape was a generally unfriendly person and Regulus was fully regretting following him out of the common room. Hopefully, Lilith packed up his homework at the common room for him, because it seemed like this was going to take a while. 

  
  


A flurry of steps made both of them spin to face the archway, Snape with an uneasy smile on his face and Regulus’s eyebrows raised in horror. He slapped his hand to his forehead, closed his eyes and groaned now that they were both going to get detention for being out of bed after hours and Regulus would have to spend extra time with Snape unwarranted. Whoever it was stopped all of a sudden, obviously too fast as the person behind them slammed into them with a surprised shout.

  
  


“You’re his second!” The familiar voice made Regulus open his eyes and drop his jaw. James stood in the middle of the archway in front of Peter who was rubbing his knee with a pained expression on his face. Lost for words, eyes flicked between the three sixth years in confusion.

  
  


“I’m his what?” He practically yelled, the thought of getting detention being the least of his worries.

  
  


“He’s not my second,” Snape said dismissively and Regulus was almost offended.

  
  


“Hold on,” he held his hand up with a frown, slowly connecting the dots but not wanting to believe the three boys would be so stupid, “Why do you need a second?” 

  
  


Snape rolled his eyes so far back they could’ve been lodged in his brain and scoffed. Regulus cast another look at the two Gryffindors, he was used to seeing Peter glued to James’s side but if the boys were going to do what he thought they were _where was Sirius?_ Pettigrew was average with a wand at best, his strengths lay more with astrology or chess- Regulus had seen him beat a few Slytherins with hardly any moves when he went along to chess club with Barty. 

  
  


“I thought you were meant to be smart,” Snape muttered.

  
  


“We are going to duel,” James stepped forwards, there was a crease in his brow and his lips were contorted into a scowl, “I told him to bring a second, I didn’t expect you.”

  
  


Regulus crossed his arms, moving to stand between the two parties. He turned his head to look at Snape who was stood similarly to him, but still clutching his potions book, he then looked back at James and Peter, the former looking defiant and the latter looking anxious. Nobody moved for a moment before Snape moved to grip his wand, James was faster though- whipping his own wand from the inside of his robes and aiming it at Snape (and at Regulus by extension, due to their current positioning).

  
  


“Move!” Snape hissed and Regulus pulled out his wand too, not aiming it anyone just yet. Peter seemed to get the memo and drew his wand as well.

  
  


“I’m not letting you have a bloody duel!” The two boys seemed completely set on getting themselves killed, Peter had the right mind to at least look hesitant. James took another step forward and kept his gaze locked on Snape.

  
  


“This doesn’t concern you, Black.” James declared.

  
  


“Oh shut the fuck up James.” Regulus made a point of using his first name, making the other boy flinch at his tone and lower his wand, his hand faltering. They stared at each other intensely for a moment, there was a burning fire behind James’s eyes and Regulus knew he wouldn't be dissuaded.

  
  


From his right, Regulus saw Snape move from out behind him with his wand raised, stance aggressive and determined. He spun around just as Snape cast a wordless spell, a flash of white light erupted from the tip of his want in Peter’s direction. The boy yelled, trying to cast a protection spell but failing. James let his hand fall to his side in surprise and Regulus’s thought he may as well have thrown himself in front of the curse.

  
  


“ _Protego_ ” He shouted and the spell bounced back, Snape sending up his own protection shields to miss it. The older growled and Peter looked thoroughly taken back. _Honestly,_ Regulus thought, _this was a duel, what did they expect to happen?_ All of a sudden a consuming, white-hot pain erupted along his body and Regulus fell to the floor. A whimper escaped his mouth when he tried to scream and James and Peter rushed to his side. 

  
  


He could feel deep cuts expanding along his chest and soon his entire shirt was coloured crimson. There was shouting around him, but it felt distant as if he’d dunked his head underwater. Darkness clouded his vision and there were a few light taps on his cheek before he let himself succumb to unconsciousness.

  
  


—

  
  


When he came around, the bright white light of the hospital wing made him groan in discomfort. The last time he ended up here was right after he’d taken a bludger to the ribs and nosedived into the ground of the quidditch pitch.

  
  


“Did I fall off my broom again?” He murmured, rubbing at his eyes. There was a chuckle beside him and he turned to look at the source of the noise. His vision was still slightly blurred but he could just about make out a pair of thin circular glasses.

  
  


“Not quite.” It was a lot quieter than he expected, especially given the fact that _James Potter_ was sitting next to his bed in the hospital wing who was always loud. Regulus didn’t even dwell on the fact that James was sat on his left, elbows on his knees and leaning forward towards him, he just hummed noncommittally and closed his eyes again.

  
  


The door to the hospital wing burst open and Sirius’s shaky voice bounced off the walls but by the time his big brother reached the other side of the bed, Regulus was asleep again and the pain on his face dissipated into a peaceful state of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i leave you guys on a bit of a cliffhanger there ;)


	22. We’ll both just have to be patient

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> poppy deserves a pay rise for dealing with the injuries hogwarts brings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long??? i think this is the longest i’ve ever waited to post i’m sorry guys :(

The next time Regulus woke up James was nowhere to be seen, but next to his bed, curled awkwardly in a chair that looked much too small for him, Sirius was fast asleep. It was dark in the hospital wing apart from the dull lamp on his bedside table and the only noise was the harsh breathing from the other few patients in the beds around him.

He moved to push himself up to his elbows and the ache in his chest immediately turned into an unbearable burning sensation. Falling back into the pillows Regulus let out a pathetic whimper. Tears pooled in his eyes and his throat started to itch uncomfortably at the howls trying to claw their way up it. He clutched onto the bed sheets in pain and shifted awkwardly to try and ease the cutting feeling.

From beside him Sirius started to shift in his chair and Regulus immediately tried to turn away from him, not wanting him to wake up and witness the mess his little brother was in. As he shifted, the pressure on his chest increased and a sob broke from his lips. 

There was a hand on his shoulder pulling him back, and all of a sudden he was being pulled onto his back and a hand was stroking his arm. Sirius stood above him with his hair falling all over the place and glassy eyes, he kept his grip tight on Regulus’s arm but the Slytherin refused to turn his head and meet his teary eyes. He could feel the worry radiating from the older boy and it made his skin crawl. They hadn’t been this close to one another in years.

“Reggie,” The break in his voice made Regulus let out another strangled sob. His lip wobbled as he kept his eyes focused intently on the ceiling, “Reg, hey.”

Sirius moved his hand to run his fingers through his little brother's soft hair which was sticking up at usual angles. His shoulders shook as he tried to suppress his weeping but Sirius just kept carting his hand through the dark brown strands of hair. They sat in silence for a long moment and Regulus thought back to before Hogwarts when he and Sirius would hide in the secret room at the top of the house behind a portrait, with a tattered couch and a gramophone where they would play the records Andromeda sent them.

“Does it hurt?” He whispered. Regulus gave a limp nod and bit down hard on his lip.

“Burns.” Sirius dragged the chair closer to the bed with his foot and sat himself down, keeping his hand in Regulus hair. He encased Regulus’s pale bony hand in his and let his chin rest on the side of the bed, Regulus squeezing Sirius’s hand so tight he was surprised the bones didn’t break.

They sat there for hours until the sun shone through the windows and the hustle and bustle of people walking to classes filled the quiet in the hospital wing. Sirius’s eyes were dropping and Regulus was almost asleep when Madam Pomfrey approached with a potion and bandages. The long haired boy woke with a start and Madam Pomfrey gave him a small smile, looking quite fond of the position the two brothers were in.

“How is he?” She asked, placing the potions down and reorganising the table next to them.

“Said it burns,” he gulped. “He sounded really in pain.”

She frowned in confusion, this was unlike any curse she’d ever encountered before. When James rushed Regulus to her in a heap in his arms, bleeding through his shirt and head lolled back in unconsciousness she had been beside herself. Petty duels went wrong all the time and Poppy had seen her fair share of bleeding students, but the lacerations that were carved deep into his chest made her gasp in horror.

The boy had woken up multiple times while she was trying to heal him, crying out in pain and thrashing in the white covers on the hospital bed. She cycled through all of the healing spells she knew, even bringing in McGonagall and Slughorn at one point. Eventually the cuts closed back up but his torso was completely covered in blood and the marks were a bright, angry red. 

James had waited at Regulus’s side despite being shouted at by multiple teachers to leave. He’d crossed his arms and shouted back, not even worried about the punishment. 

‘I’m not letting Sirius’s little brother die!’ 

A flash of alarm fell over Professor McGonagall’s face, James speaking the words that all of them were worried about. Sirius had come rushing to the hospital wing with Remus and Peter in tow but Madam Promfrey had physically forced them back, not allowing any more people to be cluttering her workspace than James already was. No one had ever seen a spell quite like it.

Regulus had woken up many times since their attempts at healing him- incoherent and sometimes convulsing in pain. Sirius had stared in horror when Regulus’s body started to shake and a cry of anguish fell from his lips, muttering about curses and counter-curses under his breath.

As the sun shone through the windows and illuminated the Slytherin’s angular face, lips still twisted into an expression of discomfort but his forehead smoothed out. Sirius wanted to stay clutching his brother's hand but his grip got weaker as his eyes closed further and Poppy ushered him out of the hospital wing with a sleeping potion, ensuring she would make sure he got the day off lessons.

Reluctantly he complied, placing a timid peck on Regulus’s forehead (he hadn’t done that since Regulus was six and would crawl into his bed with nightmares) and then trudging back to Gryffindor tower. He tripped twice on the way there and fell into the couch in front of the cosy fire when he reached the common room. The rest of marauders looked apprehensive, opening and closing their mouths as if they were at a complete loss for words.

“This is your fault,” he murmured in James’s general direction before letting a deep slumber overcome him.

“I know,” James sat on the arm of the sofa next to Sirius’s sleeping form and started patting his arm gently, “I’m sorry.”

  
  


-

  
  


Nico managed to hear, through the grapevine of course, that Regulus was in the hospital wing recovering from a particularly nasty duel. Despite the other boy’s insistence to ignore him, worry bubbled up inside him and his stomach started to churn. 

Lunchtime came slowly and Nico’s skin was crawling with anxiousness, scared of what he would find lying in the hospital wing. His Ravenclaw housemates were sending him odd looks all day but pointedly ignored them, opting to use his full brain capacity to worry about Regulus. He didn’t even spare the great hall a second glance as he dashed past it to get the hospital wing and he was sure he knocked a few unsuspecting second years over on his way.

Madam Pomfrey shushed him viciously as he came bounding in but he only mumbled a halfhearted apology before dashing towards the Slytherin’s bed. Regulus was lying unnervingly still with ice cold hands and pale lips. If it wasn’t for the small rise and fall of his chest Nico would’ve suspected he was dead.

He placed his own hands around Regulus’s cold ones in an attempt to warm them up. The collar of the hospital gown shifted down slightly to reveal the tip of a blazing red scare and Nico felt his breath hitch, he moved his eyes to search the room and they immediately landed on the pile of bloody school robes placed not that far away from Regulus’s bed.

“Oh Black, what did you get yourself into?” He whispered, lifting the boy’s limp hands to press a kiss to his knuckles. 

They stayed like that for the rest of the day, Poppy insisting that he go back to classes so she could proceed with his treatment but Nico protested stubbornly and insisted she continue healing him while he was there. She let out a sigh of defeat, seemingly tired of teenage boys denying her requests for the day but she couldn’t help the small smile at the fact Regulus had such dedicated friends- it was hardly a secret that he and his brother had a very rocky relationship.

When Regulus came around once again he was more awake and no longer babbling nonsense. There was a brief look of surprise finding Nico at his side but the past 18 hours were rather hazy and he didn’t have it in him to push back, so he let his hands be taken by Nico’s and tilted his head back onto the pillows, biting his lip and willing the pain to go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the brothers are getting somewhere!!!!!!


	23. Cause it’s a long way to go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> regulus is sad but the marauders are there to help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik the time between posting chapters are getting longer and longer pls know i still fully intend on finishing this story!! i’m just very bogged down w a lot of school work and other life shit rn

The dormitory was silent, the only noise being Regulus’s heavy breathing. He stood in front of the full length mirror next to Barty’s bed in his checkered pyjama bottoms as his hands ghosted over the deep angry scars slicing his porcelain skin. After a week and a half in the hospital wing Regulus was finally back in his own soft bed surrounded by the dark glow of the Slytherin dorms.

While the rest of his roommates were at dinner in the great hall, Regulus stared at his reflection with teary eyes. Madam Pomfrey had explained that the cuts would scar- it was dark magic and _whoever_ cast the curse did so with the full intent to maim or even kill him. 

He decided not to give up Snape’s name, even with McGonagall breathing down his neck, the last thing he wanted after being cut to pieces was to be called Slytherin’s snitch. Though he had no doubt James would tell the transfiguration professor what happened, anything to throw his enemy under the bus.

Tracing the long marks with his index finger, dipping in and out of his ribs and running along his stomach, Regulus let the tears fall from his eyes. Not that many people saw him with his shirt off, but the ugly raised scars would always be there and they would always itch against his clothes and draw his eyes when he got changed in front of the mirror.

Suddenly the door flung open and Barty strode in with a loud laugh, dropping his bag to the floor next to the door and waving to someone at the bottom of the stairs. Regulus curled in on himself and threw his arms around his chest trying to hide from Barty despite being stood in the middle of the room. The other boy turned around and stopped dead at the site of Regulus’s inflamed scars that covered his expanse of pale skin.

“Holy shit,” he breathed, running his eyes over the boy’s body. Slowly he brought a hand up to his mouth and moved forwards, but Regulus stumbled back slightly and turned around to avoid Barty’s gaze.

Barty visited him once in the hospital wing, leaving a chocolate frog and a few blood lollipops he bought in Hogsmeade. He had slapped Regulus on the shoulder supportively which made him flinch with pain but he smiled up at his friend and let him rabbit on about quidditch until Madam Pomfrey chased him out of the room. 

Throwing on a random t-shirt that was hanging on the back of his bed, Regulus moved towards the door and viciously wiped the tears from his face. Their shoulders bumped together as Regulus tried to curve around Barty and he winced at the contact. A hand grasped his wrist and he spun to face Barty who looked thoroughly horrified. 

“Don’t,” Regulus croaked out, hating the pity he could feel radiating from him, “Just don’t.” 

He ignored Barty’s protests that it was almost curfew and the twisting in his gut that told him nothing good happened the last time he was out after hours. The pressure on his head increased along with the ringing in his ears, needing to escape the Slytherin common room- the nagging feeling that he was trapped there with Snape.

Like usual, the dungeons were cold and uninviting but Regulus no longer felt safe in the long winding corridors that he used to enjoy getting lost in. His feet carried him but with the blood pumping in his brain and his vision blurring with more tears, he couldn’t tell where he was going.

Surprisingly he didn’t bump into any teachers or prefects on the way to his destination (wherever that was) but the uncomfortable tingling sensation across his chest returned and he dug his fingernails into his palms harshly.

When he landed outside of the Gryffindor common room, the cold stone floor of the castle making him realise he’d run out of the Slytherin common room with only socks on, the Fat Lady started shouting at him in confusion. His brain was too foggy to catch anything other than ‘ _snakes_ ’, ‘ _password_ ’ and something about curfew.

He wrapped his arms around his torso instinctively clawing at the thin material of his pyjama top. In hindsight, it was rather good that the only people walking around the castle were prefects; Regulus’s reputation would be entirely ruined if he was found falling to pieces outside of the Gryffindor common room. If it got back to Orion and Walburga that he was even in Sirius’s vicinity he would be expecting a lot worse than _crucio_ when he got back home in summer. As if taking the dark mark wasn’t punishment enough.

Looking back up at the large portrait, Regulus realised the Fat Lady had disappeared from her frame. He bit his lip and contemplated running back down the steps of the moving staircases and finding an alcove to break down in. The creaking of the portrait snapped him out of his thought process and the panic set in as he waited for whoever was on the other side.

“Black?” Remus Lupin’s voice called out and he stuck his head of sandy coloured hair around the portrait. Words failing him, he let out an embarrassing cry and clenched tighter to his sides so his knuckles turned white.

“Need- Siri-” He managed to hiccup out before Remus disappeared behind the painting. Shouts could be heard from inside the Gryffindor common room and Regulus slumped against the bannister of the stairs to support his suddenly heavy-feeling legs.

Remus reappeared moments later with a flurry of long black hair following him, then a mop of messy chestnut waves. Sirius ran towards him while Remus and James hung back, shutting the portrait and ushering the Fat Lady away while Regulus let a sob rip from his throat.

“What happened Reg?” 

“I’m going to look like this forever,” the tears streamed down over his cheeks despite his efforts to keep them contained, “it still _burns_.”

Sirius stepped forwards and enveloped his brother in a hug, letting Regulus cling to him like a lifeline. They hadn’t hugged in years, but right now the warmth of Sirius’s Gryffindor robes (which he still hadn’t changed out of even though it was late) surrounded Regulus and calmed his erratic cries to soft whimpers. 

The other two boys were talking in hushed whispers behind them while Sirius patted rhythmically on his back, trying to soothe Regulus’s heavy breathing. 

“We can’t send him back to the Slytherin common room, it’s well past curfew now.”

“You’re a prefect, Moons, couldn’t you walk him.”

“Look at the state he’s in James!”

“We’ll just have to hide him in the dorm and hope Minnie doesn’t pay us a morning visit.”

Sirius nodded to the boys in confirmation of their plan, the rule against other houses spending time in each other’s common rooms was strictly forbidden and Professor McGonagall didn’t take lightly to other students crowding the Gryffindor common room- especially not the dorms.

They guided Regulus through the portrait and into the cosy crimson room where a fire was roaring. Peter, Lily, and Marlene turned their heads from where they were sat playing a game of exploding snap. The small boy jumped up and away from the girls, running over to James to see what happened. Both girls sat with their mouths open and shocked expressions on their faces as they watched Regulus cling to his older brother.

Three out of four marauders hung back to speak with the girls while Sirius led Regulus up the winding steps to the boys dorms. If he had been paying any attention to his surroundings he would have noticed the stark difference between the Gryffindor and Slytherin common rooms, like how much smaller the Gryffindor one was but how much warmer it seemed, or how light it looked compared to the dark green decor of the Slytherin one. It actually fitted the Gryffindor stereotype rather well. 

Pushing the door open, Sirius moved him gently to a bed in the middle of the room which had clothes strewn about everywhere and the covers were practically hanging off it. Regulus thought it was exactly like Barty’s bed apart from the bright red duvet that contrasted greatly to the emerald green Slytherin beds.

He lay down and grasped onto Sirius’s wrist, staring up at him through teary eyes before mumbling something incoherent.

“What was that?” Sirius leant closer to hear him better.

“Don’t leave me, Sirius, I don’t think I can do this anymore.” It was quiet and timid but the older boy caught every word. He gulped audibly before sitting down next to his bed and stroking the back of Regulus’s hand just as he had done a week and a half prior in the hospital wing.

Once Regulus drifted into an unsettled sleep, Sirius carefully removed his grip on his hand and tiptoed out of the dorm. The group sat at the bottom of the stairs were all exchanging worried glances as he sank towards the floor with his back against the wall, dragging a hand over his face and groaning weakly.

“He’s…” Sirius’s trailed off looking for the right words. 

“A fucking mess?” James supplied, which earned him a hard jab in the ribs from Lily.

“Jesus Christ, he sounds suicidal.” A sympathetic hand landed on his shoulder and Sirius looked up to find Remus stood over him nibbling on his bottom lip.

“Is there anything we can do for him?”

“I don’t know.”

They settled into an uncomfortable silence, each weighing their own thoughts and worrying about the Slytherin upstairs. Remus pulled Sirius into a loving side-hug and let Sirius rest his head in the crook of his neck, stroking his sea of black hair.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> regulus takes the dark mark soon :0


	24. A hard row to hoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter being his usual rat self and regulus will soon be the birthday boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE HUGE ASS DELAY i got so out of it but hopefully updates are back on track now!!!
> 
> p.s. i know jack shit ab chess please don’t bully me i just google searched chess plays
> 
> also wtaf is this chapter title john lennon what are those lyrics

With June 25th only two days away, Regulus had gone into a frenzied panic. After his meltdown in the Gryffindor common room, he had gone out of his way to fully avoid any of the 6th year lions, opting to stay glued to Barty’s side despite his displeasure in being around the boy. Every time one of them looked his way he could feel the pity radiating from them like heat waves, as strong as the nuclear explosions he’d read about in muggle newspapers when he could get his hands on them.

But with his birthday being so close, his mother decided that since it fell on a weekend trip to Hogsmeade he would not need to wait until the summer to receive the mark, the Gryffindors were at the bottom of his long list of problems.

Barty’s beast-like smile was only growing wider as the day approached, reminding Regulus every two seconds how _honoured_ and _lucky_ he was to be the first in Barty’s junior death eater league to take the mark. Regulus had raised an eyebrow and stated that Snape was the first to receive the mark but Barty only waved him off and explained that Snape had disappeared since the commotion in the courtyard which made Regulus gulp with trepidation and nod silently.

His insistence on avoiding the Gryffindors meant that Regulus didn’t know the punishment James and Peter received for duelling on school grounds. Of course McGonagall had a secret soft spot for them, so he doubted they’d get off with anything too bad, but she wasn’t easy to read and her stoic demeanour during transfiguration lessons didn’t give him any clues. The only indication that she was stressed by the situation was the piles of homework she kept assigning.

Currently, sitting on a chair in the corner of an abandoned classroom where the chess club was held, reading _Pride and Prejudice_ (though he had placed a glamour on the front cover to keep it away from prying pure blood eyes), Regulus was trying to stop his head spinning. 

He usually participated in the games and prided himself on his skill at wizard chess, but at the moment it was the last thing he wanted to do. The chess club consisted mainly of Slytherins with a few Ravenclaws and a lone Hufflepuff. Snape used to attend with Lily Evans but Regulus had heard through the grapevine that they had a nasty falling out and she hadn’t shown up since, and being completely honest he didn’t want to face Evans now that she had witnessed his monumental meltdown.

Things were running smoothly and Evan Rosier had managed to win most of the games- much to Barty’s irritation- until the door to the classroom creaked open to reveal a mass of short blond hair peeking into the room. Regulus let his eyes wander up from the pages of his book to rest on Peter Pettigrew’s pinched face and his mouth dropped in shock, quickly pushing himself further into the corner of the room and out of Peter’s line of sight.

Peter closed the door behind him as he advanced into the room, looking skittish and meek even though he straightened his posture. The Gryffindor wasn’t known for being particularly _good_ at anything, he was merely a tag along for the marauders. That’s what the rest of the school thought anyway, it seemed the marauders themselves were oblivious to this assumption and treated Peter as a brother. To see him stood in the chess club, the red of his robes standing out in the pit of snakes, was quite striking and made Regulus’s spiralling thoughts halt.

A group of 5th year Slytherins, Barty amongst them, approached Peter with smirks on their faces like vultures looking down on their prey and Regulus almost felt sorry for him. 

“What’s your business here Pettigrew?” Barty announced, puffing his chest and trying to make himself seem bigger.

“Chess, obviously.” Regardless of the quiver in his voice, the sarcastic quip made the Slytherins narrow their eyes. They cleared a pathway and let Peter walk up to the empty table where Rosier was organising a chessboard.

Regulus stayed hunched in the corner and ran through every possible scenario in his head. Maybe he came looking for Regulus? The marauders had realised he was avoiding them by now and had no doubt tried to get his attention but why send _Peter_ of all people? Perhaps he was actually there for a game of chess, though there were multiple people he could’ve played chess within Gryffindor and he didn’t seem like the type for inter-house unity. 

There was obviously an ulterior motive to his actions, and with the carefulness he entered the room with Regulus could only assume Sirius, James and Remus didn’t know he was here. Peter sat down in front of Rosier who raised an eyebrow but didn’t show the varying states of shock the rest of the Slytherins were all in. By now the room had gone completely silent, all eyes on the exchange.

As they started the game, Peter playing the Sicilian Defence after Rosier made his first move, the blond boy seemed to be trying to find a way to strike up a conversation. Rosier must have noticed this and quirked his lips subtly.

“So, what brings you to a chess club full of Slytherin’s?” He asked before instructing his bishop to move forwards.

“Just wanted a change of scenery, I suppose.”

Peter lacked tact and poise, everything that Evan Rosier exuberated, but Regulus couldn’t deny that he was handling the pressure and attention quite well. The game continued and some students eventually returned to their own chess boards before Peter spoke up again. 

“I was wondering where Snape disappeared to,” the rest of the Slytherins seemed to freeze, “we marauders are getting quite bored, you see.”

It was obvious to Regulus that Peter was playing a part, he had been there when Snape used _sectumsempra_ and wouldn’t place himself in this situation for something as pathetic as wanting Snape’s whereabouts. If anything, they were pleased with his disappearance. But the rest of the Slytherin house didn’t know what happened between him and Snape, just that Regulus got hurt and Snape vanished. Most were smart enough to fill in the blanks, the older boy was always quick to anger and had a fascination for the dark arts, but they didn’t know the whole story.

“What do you want with Snape?” Barty growled and Peter tried to hide his startled jump.

“He hurt one of your own didn’t he?” Peter’s voice was smaller now, but he still managed to make it loud enough to be heard. Regulus steeled himself and bit down on his lip harshly. Barty flicked his eyes over to him in the corner before looking back at Peter with a snarl.

“You leave Black out of this,” he grabbed onto Peter’s shoulder firmly, “you hear me!”

As the words left Barty’s mouth Regulus couldn’t help but think how similar he sounded to his Aunt Bella, the venom laced in his tone and the dangerously insane look in his eye.

“I just thought you might want to share your... _particular area of expertise_ to help a housemate that’s all.” Peter drawled, through the tension never left his face. He moved his next piece before calling out ‘checkmate’, manoeuvring out of Barty’s iron grip and practically sprinting to the door. 

Most of the people in the room stood around in confusion, Regulus included, before Rosier let an evil smirk slide over his face. 

“It seems, lads, that Pettigrew wants to start meddling with the Dark Lord.” His voice was low to avoid attracting the attention of the Ravenclaws and the Hufflepuff girl sat with them, but it was bloodthirsty and threatening. The rest of the Slytherins matched his grin.

“And who are we to deny him the pleasure?”

Regulus closed his eyes and sighed, it looks like he was going to have to keep a close eye on Peter for the time being.

-

The next morning came and brought Walburga’s owl with it. Perched on the rim of Muliber’s goblet the black speckled eagle-owl dropped an envelope in front of Regulus which had his mother’s neat cursive and was sealed with the Black family crest pressed into the silver wax. He fed the bird some bacon quickly to avoid Mulibers wrath of a bird interrupting his breakfast and tore open the envelope as it flew away.

_Dear Regulus,_

_Your 16th birthday is only one day away and I ask you to take tomorrow to prepare for the gift you will have the honour of receiving on Saturday._

_I have arranged for your Cousin Bellatrix to escort you from the Hogs Head by portkey to Grimmauld place where you will take the mark._

_You will return to school straight away as to not draw suspicion from your Professors. Do the Black name proud, the Dark Lord requires the most faithful servants._

_your mother,_

_Walburga Black_

A gasp from over his shoulder indicated that Barty was reading the letter. He schooled his expression and pushed down the dread threatening to force his breakfast back up his oesophagus. 

“You’re so lucky!” Barty repeated himself again and Regulus shot him a smile that hoped didn’t look too painful.

“Yes, I am.” He replied. The other boy snatched the letter from his hand and read it again while Muliber looked at him from the opposite side of the table.

“Congrats Black, I have to wait till summer.” 

“Me too,” Barty added in.

“Tell us how it feels, yeah?” He asked and Regulus nodded, afraid that words would fail him, “Merlin I bet it feels amazing.”

The surrounding Slytherins were now all looking at Regulus expectantly, as if they wanted to hear a declaration of love for Lord Voldemort. He held back an eye roll and fixed his posture before taking the letter back from Barty.

“I feel honoured to be able to take the mark early, what more could I want than to serve the Dark Lord, he will do great things I’m sure, mother has high hopes for the next few years.”

His answer seemed to satisfy them and they all went back to eating their breakfast with cunning grins on their faces. Regulus felt like he was suffocating amidst them but leaving the table would attract attention and make Barty and Mulciber suspicious. He pulled some parchment from his bag with shaky hands and wrote a letter in response to his mother, ignoring the heavy gazes he could feel on the top of his head coming from across the hall.

Sirius would no doubt recognise their mother’s owl, but he just hoped his older brother didn’t read into it. The ultimate disaster to add to his current shit show of a life would be Sirius discovering he was taking the mark.

Unbeknownst to Regulus, Peter was the one staring. Watching as the Slytherins congratulated him and Crouch Jr. poured over the elegant letter. He shovelled down his food while James and Sirius traded quidditch tactics and Remus spoke about charms with Lily, letting his fist curl under the table. He would make them regret making him fade into the background, all in due time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry guys but i’m sure u know what’s coming next :’( (hint hint voldy makes an appearance)

**Author's Note:**

> so the marauders are about to go into sixth year and regulus is going into fifth!!
> 
> also my characterisation of remus, peter and sirius is going to be loosely based on atyd by MsKingBean89 (which i highly recommend you read bc it’s amazing) because that’s basically canon to me now lol


End file.
